Just The Way You Are(47)

"I want more from you than friendship."

"I can't."

"Because of me or because of Sam?"

She wanted to look away, but his hand slipped into her hair and held her in place. "Maybe a little of both," she admitted.#p#分页标题#e#

"Tessa." Jimmy shook his head, his eyes disappointed. "Where has he been all this time? If he wanted you…

"He's been with my sister. They have a little girl. She's the reason they got married, the reason they stayed married."

"Until now?"

"Until now," she agreed. "I don't know what happened. No one has said. But Alli seems to think that…" Tessa couldn't bring herself to say the words.

"Seems to think what?"

"That Sam still has feelings for me."

"I see." His hand fell away from her hair, and he stood up. She felt suddenly chilled.

"I have to talk to him, Jimmy. I have to understand what happened. That's why we're going sailing tomorrow. We need to have a conversation that we probably should have had nine years ago." She paused, feeling like she had to explain herself. "Sam was my first love, the guy I dreamed about marrying when I was twelve years old. I owe him—I owe myself at least this much."

"First loves are tough to get over," Jimmy said, his voice cool and remote. "But I think you should be careful."

"Why?"

"Because you could get hurt again. Sam might have married your sister for the wrong reasons, but that doesn't negate the fact that they've spent the past nine years together."

"If their marriage was good, they wouldn't be splitting up," she argued.

"Maybe they didn't know how good it was."

"I'm not breaking them up. And by the way, you're not helping."

"I'm not trying to. I'm trying to make you think with your brain instead of your heart."

"I loved Sam," she told him, looking him straight in the eye. In fact, it felt strange to say the words out loud, strange but good. She'd been biting them back for a very long time. "And he loved me."

"Then why did he sleep with your sister?"

"Because I let him down," she cried, getting to her feet. "Because Alli was there, ready and waiting to take advantage of him. Because he was stupid. I don't know the answer. But it only happened the one time, and it changed everything."

"Sex will do that."

"I know it sounds silly to be carrying a torch for some guy who cheated on me, but Sam and I were inseparable from the time I was twelve years old until I was twenty. Eight years. He was the first one to get me to smile after my parents died. Sam saved me that winter. He listened to me for hours on end and helped me make friends here in town. Sam was my anchor, Jimmy. Through everything, he was the one who was there. I'll never forget what he did for me."

"Tessa, that was a long time ago. People change. They grow up. Sam did a lot for you when you were a kid. But let me ask you this." His eyes bored into hers. "What does Sam do for you now?"

She opened her mouth to answer, but nothing came out.

"Does Sam even know anything about you?" Jimmy persisted. "Does he know that you sneak cream into your coffee when no one is looking? Does he know that you hate that moment when the plane takes off, that you pretend to be calm while you're gripping the armrest as if it were a lifesaver? Does he know you love those little apple tartlets at that bakery in Denmark? Does he know how you can work a camera, work a room with just your smile and the flick of your finger?" Jimmy grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a little shake. "Does Sam know what you think, what you care about, what you want out of your life?"

She looked at him in amazement, caught by his uncanny assessment of her quirks. "How do you know all that about me?"#p#分页标题#e#

"I've been there, paying attention, babe."

His eyes were too intense, too personal, so she looked at the water, at the horizon that had once beckoned to her in a way she couldn't resist. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. I can see right into your head when I take your picture."

"You cannot," she said, but his words were disturbing. He knew her better than she'd realized. Somehow Jimmy had snuck in when she wasn't looking.

"The eyes are the windows to the soul. Don't you ever look at your own photographs?"

"I don't see anything but the makeup hiding the blemishes and the powder lightening my eyes and the hair spray holding my hair in perfect position."

"What do you see when you look at your sister?"

She stared at him for a long minute. "Alli? I don't know."