Just The Way You Are(3)

The changes made her feel uncomfortable. The thought that Sam was finally accepting that this was his home bothered her more than she cared to admit. That he was changing the house to fit him as a man instead of a child was odd, too. This house had been a part of her own childhood, because she'd grown up next door.

When she was nine, and Tessa eleven, they'd lost their parents in a car crash and come to live with their grandmother, Phoebe MacGuire. They'd traveled between houses as kids do, and Alli had come to know this one almost as well as her own. Although she had usually been the one tagging behind, trying to catch up to Sam and Tessa, and somehow the door always seemed to slam in her face.

Sam hung up the phone. "The pizza will be here in fifteen minutes."

She nodded. "Great. So, how did the weekend go?"

"Fine."

"Megan starts summer school tomorrow. We'll have to redo our visitation schedule."

"I hate that word," he said with a fierceness that startled her. "Megan is my daughter. We should all be living together, not visiting each other."

Alli didn't know what to say. So much for thinking that Sam had accepted things. "I'm sorry; that was the wrong word to use. You know you can see Megan as often as you want, Sam. I would never keep you apart."#p#分页标题#e#

"Then why ask for a divorce? Why break up our family? Why the hell do you have to be so selfish, Alli?"

His words hit her like bullets, each one hurting more than the last, and her only defense was to hit back.

"Don't blame it all on me, Sam. I wasn't the only one who wanted out, just the one who had the guts to ask."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"The hell I don't," she said sharply. "When I found that box of clippings and photographs of Tessa, I felt like I'd just stumbled upon you in bed with another woman."

"I was never unfaithful to you."

"Maybe not in body, but in mind you certainly were. How do you think it feels to know the man who is touching you is thinking about someone else?" Her voice shook with the depth of her pain. She could still see herself sneaking into Sam's office to surprise him with an intimate anniversary dinner, only to find a box of Tessa's photos hidden away in the bottom drawer of his desk. She'd been looking for the corkscrew he kept there so she could open the wine she'd brought to celebrate nine years together. What a fool she'd been.

"It was never like that," Sam said.

"It was always like that."

"Alli—"

"And it wasn't just the box of photos. It's been so much more, and you know it. I wanted more children, Sam, and you refused over and over again. Because having another child with me, making a deliberate choice to add to the family, would mean you were planning to stay with me. But you couldn't make that commitment, could you? You couldn't cross that line, because you weren't planning to stay forever. Well, I just cut the time short."

Before Sam could reply, Megan returned to the room.

"Look, Mommy, I made you a candleholder out of a wine bottle, see?" Megan held up the papier-mâché-covered bottle with a proud smile. "Daddy helped me. Can we light a candle for dinner?"

"I guess."

"No," Sam said abruptly. "We don't need a candle."

Megan's smile vanished. "Why not, Daddy?"

"Candles are for special occasions, honey," he said more gently as he headed for the door. "I'll get some drinks."

* * *

Sam walked into the hallway and leaned against the wall, stopping to catch his breath, to steady his pulse. Candles are for special occasions. What a stupid thing to say. But the thought of a candlelight dinner with Alli… No, he couldn't do it.

Alli put his stomach in a knot every time she walked through the door, every time she opened her mouth. She'd destroyed his life not once but twice, for when he'd finally come to terms with being a father and a husband—after he'd struggled so hard to make it all work, she'd bailed out on him.

A twinge of guilt poked at his conscience. Okay, so maybe he'd kept up with Tessa's life, stored a few photographs. They were harmless pictures. Half the world owned magazines with Tessa's face on the cover. And how could he tell Alli that her grandmother had given him most of the clippings? It would only destroy their relationship, because she'd think her grandmother was favoring her sister.

And what did it all matter anyway? He'd married Alli as soon as he'd found out she was pregnant. He'd been twenty years old, Alli only eighteen. But they'd had to grow up overnight. He'd thrown aside all of his plans of traveling and seeing the world and gone to work for his father, eventually taking over the business and working his ass off to provide for his family.