She wanted to make love with him, to bare her body, and then bare his. She slipped her hands up under his shirt and stroked the packed muscles in his back as he moved against her, as the sweet friction built between them like the start of a long, hot fire.
"Sam," she whispered. "Help me. I shouldn't. We shouldn't."
"Don't wake me up," he murmured, his mouth touching off more sensations in the sensitive curve of her neck. "Make love to me."
It was then she realized his eyes were still closed. "Sam?"
He didn't reply.
Was he awake? Or was he dreaming? And who—who was he dreaming about? A sudden terrible thought bolted into her mind.
"Beautiful," he said softly.
Her entire body stiffened. Beautiful was Tessa. He had to be thinking of Tessa. Oh, God! She pushed on his shoulders, trying to get him off her.
"Stop," she cried.
Sam finally opened his eyes, blinking quickly against the bright light in the bedroom. "What?"
"Get off of me."
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
She pushed him back so she could sit up, so she could catch her breath, so she wouldn't feel so dominated, not by him but by her own traitorous body.
"You were dreaming," she accused him.
He eyed her warily. "Was I? I thought you kissed me."
"You didn't know it was me. You were asleep."
"Who else would it be?"
"You know who else," she said, pulling her sweater back down, her breath still coming in breathless gasps.
Sam put a hand to his head and rubbed his temple. "I wasn't dreaming of Tessa. I wasn't dreaming of anything. You kissed me, and I kissed you back." He paused, sending her a thoughtful look. "Why did you kiss me?"
"I—" She swallowed hard. "I didn't mean to."
He pushed a piece of hair off her face in a tender gesture that almost undid her. "Why do you always have to fight—even if it's only yourself? Can't you give in once in a while?" He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, leaving his mouth a whisper away from hers as he murmured, "We were always pretty good at this."
"It will only make things worse," she muttered.
"Can they get worse?"#p#分页标题#e#
"I can't do this." She rolled away from him until she found her feet on the opposite side of the bed. "You have to go home, Sam."
"I am home."
Alli felt the threat of tears behind her eyes. She wanted this to be his home. But he had to give her more than his body, he had to be able to give her his heart and his soul, and there were too many things unresolved between them.
Alli shifted from one foot to the next, filled with a restlessness she didn't know how to quench. Actually, she did know how to quench it, she just couldn't do it. Making love with Sam wouldn't solve anything. It would only make it that much more difficult to say good-bye.
"Come here," he said softly, holding out his hand to her.
"I can't."
"Sure you can."
"It's been a long, difficult day, Sam."
"That's why you need to come here. I'm not going to jump you."
After a moment in which she fought helplessly against her need for this man, she sat back down on the bed. He reached out his hand and pulled her across the mattress until she was cuddled up next to him, her head on his shoulder, his arm around her waist.
"This is better," he said.
It was better. It was heaven. And even though she knew she should get up, she just couldn't make her body move.
"Phoebe will make it," Sam said. "She's too strong to die." He stroked the top of Alli's head, a gentle, loving touch that made her eyes water.
"I hope you're right," she said. "I started to miss her today, and then I felt guilty for even thinking that way. I shouldn't have any negative thoughts, only positive ones. I can't let the unthinkable take over my mind, because then—"
"It might happen," he finished. "But this battle can only be fought by your grandmother."
"I know. But William told me that Grams worried about having a stroke, ending up like her mother, trapped in her body. I don't want that to happen to her. And she must be scared. When she looked at me, I could see the fear in her eyes, and I didn't know how to reassure her." Alli lifted her head to look at him. "She was always the one to reassure me, to take care of me. How can I take care of her?"
"You'll find a way. You always do. Your grandmother's strength runs through you, Alli." He smiled at her. "I remember when you were in labor with Megan. I've never seen anyone sweat so much."
"Gee, thanks."