He didn't say anything and for that she was intensely grateful. It was enough to be with him, breathing in his scent, feeling his body, so familiar, yet new, too. He wasn't a boy any longer, but a man. And it was that thought that reminded her what they were doing was wrong. They weren't friends anymore. And they weren't supposed to be holding each other.
"Sam, I want—"
"Don't," he said sharply, stepping away so abruptly her hands fell to her sides.
"Don't what?" she asked in surprise, wondering why his mood had changed so drastically. And then she saw it in his eyes, on his face, the wariness, the distancing. "What did you think I was going to say—going to do?"
"Nothing," he said quickly.
"It was definitely something. Did you—did you think I was going to kiss you?" she asked, taking a shot in the dark. To her surprise, a dark color flooded his cheeks. "You did. You actually did. That had to be the last thing on my mind," she lied, because the idea hadn't been that far away.
"You should go home, Tessa."#p#分页标题#e#
She stared at him, annoyed that he seemed to feel she was pursuing him, when he was the one who'd said he was sorry and had been sending out all sorts of mixed messages. He hadn't exactly run from her embrace.
"Maybe I don't want to go home yet," she said, just to be contrary.
"Go anyway."
Sam walked out of the kitchen, leaving her alone in the middle of the room. "Sam," she called after him, but he didn't return.
Resisting the sudden childish urge to stamp her foot, Tessa took a deep breath and counted to ten. As she did so, she took a good look around the room, and saw exactly what she didn't want to see—the signs of a family. There was evidence everywhere, from the dish towels that said HOME, SWEET HOME to the crayon drawings and photographs on the refrigerator, a stray belt on the counter, and a stack of bills on a small desk in the corner of the kitchen. Megan's shoes and socks had obviously been kicked off in a hurry under the round oak table in the breakfast nook.
Sam was right. She didn't belong here. She needed to get away and fast, before she started thinking about how this life could have been hers, how that little girl upstairs could have belonged to her and Sam, and the calendar on the wall could have had their dates written on it, their life, their plans.
She hadn't wanted this life, Tessa reminded herself. A small house in a small town had never been her dream. In fact, she'd spent many a day dreaming of a future far away from Tucker's Landing. But now that she'd come back, she realized how much she'd missed having a home, a real home, not a luxury apartment forty-two stories in the sky, but a house with creaks and groans and rusted pipes and peeling wallpaper.
She could see Alli in every crumb on the linoleum, every hastily scribbled recipe on a card falling out of a cookbook, every plate, every glass. This was Alli's home, Alli's life, and Sam was Alli's husband. At least he used to be.
"Tessa?" Sam stood in the doorway again, keeping his distance, his hands solidly in his pockets to prevent any accidental touch.
"I know, I'm going."
"I can't talk to you right now, not with Megan upstairs. She's notorious for eavesdropping."
"So was her mother. Alli and I used to eavesdrop on our parents after Alli discovered we could hear what they were saying in their bedroom if we stood by the heating vent in the laundry room. We once found out what they were going to buy us for Christmas."
Sam's eyes registered his surprise. "You never told me that before."
"This house reminds me of my parents' house. I wonder if Alli deliberately decorated it that way, or if she even realized what she was doing." Tessa sighed. "I never wanted to talk about them because they were gone, and once something is gone, it's easier if you just forget you ever had it in the first place."
"Is that what you did with me—forget?"
"I tried."
She walked past him, careful not to touch him again, and she didn't pause until she reached the front door. "Tell Megan I said good-bye."
He opened the front door for her, but still she hesitated.
"Sam, if I had kissed you—would you have kissed me back?"
He shrugged as if he didn't care, but she saw his body tense, saw the light of desire flare in his eyes.
"Maybe it's better if we don't find out," he said.
* * *
Chapter 8
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Alli returned home just before eleven. Every light in the house was on, but there were no sounds of life downstairs, so she went upstairs to Megan's room. Her daughter's bed had been turned down, but it was empty. Moving across the hall, she stopped outside her bedroom door, almost afraid to look inside.#p#分页标题#e#