She rests her head against the headrest and closes her eyes. Her hand tightens around mine, though. “I’ve cried more in the last three weeks than I’ve done in six years.”
I know the feeling. I’ve cried more in the last three weeks than I have in my entire life. It’s unnatural, the amount of tears I’ve shed.
I can’t ever remember crying.
Seeing Thaddeus smiling and playing and his toothless grins makes my eyes water every damn time I see him. I feel like a fucking pussy.
Blowing out a loud breath, I grip her hand tighter and then let go before running my fingers along the back of her hand.
“Like I said: it’ll be fine.”
My assurance is weak. For the first time in my life, I’m filled with doubt and a nervousness I’m not used to. I hate the feeling inside me—the tightness gripping my heart that never seems to dissipate. At least I’ve quit drinking so much. Landon and Lynx saw to that when they showed up at my condo and began draining every beer I had in my fridge. As thankful as I was, still too afraid of ending up like my old man, I still threw a fucking fit the likes of which I didn’t know I had in me.
The shitheads grinned and took a swig of my beer before they emptied those, too.
I’m so fucking thankful for the assholes.
We’re silent for the rest of the ride to the Matsens’ lawyer’s office where everyone agreed to meet, putting me at a complete disadvantage.
Not that I care about that. I’ve been the underdog in enough fights and have never let someone with a home court advantage bother me.
I just want a fucking chance.
When we pull into the parking lot, I throw the car into park and slam my head against the headrest.
Next to me, I hear Kennedy’s ragged breathing coming in quick, short pants as her nerves begin to get the better of her.
I feel the exact same way, but hearing it, and seeing it in the tension lining her eyes, slays something inside of me.
At the end of this…at the root of all of this…the best friend I’ve had in my entire fucking life, the only person who knows all my deep, dark shit, is hurting next to me. I can’t fucking bear that on top of everything else.
“Hey,” I say and tug on her hand. When she looks at me, I take my other hand and slide it to the back of her neck. Her quick intake of breath sends a shock of awakening to my dick. The little fucker. He still wants to be inside of her.
I pull her forward until I can rest my forehead on hers. I can feel her shake beneath my hands and I run my hand down her arm to calm her. “This will be okay. It’s just a meeting and we’re just going to talk.”
“They’re going to hate me, and I like them so much. I hate that I’ve disappointed everyone.”
A tear drips from her cheek onto her lap.
And fuck me. I don’t want her to cry.
“Listen to me,” I say, unable to stop touching her. I press my fingers beneath her chin and tilt her face until she’s looking me directly in the eyes. Swallowing the lust beginning to simmer in my blood, I press my lips to her heated skin. She shivers beneath me, and fuck if it isn’t the hottest, sexiest little shiver I’ve ever felt. My dick hardens, wanting to get in on the action as I suppress a growl of frustration. “I just want to meet them. I want to see that everything they’ve written is true. That’s what today is about, and I get it. I get why you didn’t tell me.”
My fingers flex under her chin. It’s a truth and a lie wrapped up in one.
Kennedy’s eyes widen fractionally. “I thought you wanted him.”
“I don’t know.” I shake my head. There are too many thoughts that keep swirling inside of me. “This is just a step in me figuring it out, okay? But I won’t let them talk to you disrespectfully. Beneath all this shit, you’re still my friend.”
She flinches at the word and I wonder if she’s thinking the same thing I am, that at the hotel in Vegas, we both declared we didn’t want to be just friends anymore.
She presses her lips together and more tears swell in my eyes. Her anguish hits me in the chest, and before I can stop myself, I’m pulling her forward, wrapping my arms around her.
It’s awkward as hell in my Dodge Viper with the console between us, and the fact that she still has her seatbelt on. I hold her tight, letting her sob on my shoulder, tripping over her words as she apologizes.
Everything is muffled, and I can barely understand her.
The urge to comfort her is undeniable as I push back from her.
Her cheeks are wet, her lips swollen as she looks at my mouth.
My heart slides to my throat and my lips part.
“Grayson—”
Before I can stop myself, my lips are pressing against hers, silencing whatever objection she was going to say. I can’t help it. The girl I’ve always wanted and never been good enough for is in front of me.
As my lips meet hers, the overwhelming feeling of something so much better, better than all the anger and frustration I’ve felt for the last three weeks, begins to break through. A growl tears through my throat as her lips part and her tongue tentatively touches mine. She moans into my mouth, and I swallow it down like the hungry man I am.
Home.
She’s my home.
“Kennedy,” I gasp when I pull away at the realization. Her eyes are glazed over, hazy in a much better way, and I can practically taste our breaths mingling together between us.
“That shouldn’t have happened,” she says, pulling back from me.
I let her go, because we’re running late and the last thing I want to do is make a shitty impression, but this isn’t over.
“It should have,” I tell her, watching her eyes widen.
Her thumb swipes against her bottom lip and then she unbuckles her belt.
“I’m glad it did.”
Another quiver slides through her as she grabs her purse. Her head snaps in my direction. God, I want to kiss those lips all over again.
I want them all over my skin.
My hands curl into fists as I fight the urge to pull her back to me. To reassure her.
Yeah, I’m mad at her. But more than that…I feel something else, something larger and something much more important growing inside my heart for her.
It’s always been there, I know it—I’ve just pushed it down over the years. But seeing her so frightened and scared and so uncertain about what’s to come in this meeting and with me…
I only have one urge, and that’s to make it better for her—to reassure her that I’m not going anywhere, despite everything else going on.
“We’ll talk about this later, okay?” I reach out and run my hand down her hair, playing with the ends of her brown curls.
With a hesitant nod, she says, “Okay, Grayson.”
Then she’s out of the car, her back to the door when it closes, and I join her.
First things first.
Then we’ll talk about us and how we have to work out our own shit because I’m not walking away from her again.
Not ever.
Twenty
Kennedy
My lips are still burning long after Grayson has stopped kissing me.
Grayson takes my hand as we enter the office building and take the elevator to the fifth floor. Everything inside of me feels too tight. Too hot. Stretched too thin. I can barely manage to walk steadily on my low-heeled red pumps. I feel like a fool in my dress, but I’ve been hoping that the Matsens will see me as conservative and professional, and not the person who lied and betrayed them.
Ever since I got the call from Grayson that the Matsens had agreed to meet with him, I haven’t been able to sleep. I’ve tossed and turned every night, the sense of dread growing larger until I’ve stressed myself out so much that I end up throwing up my dinner and all the food I’ve eaten throughout the day into the toilet.
I’ve made myself sick with worry over today’s meeting.
I still can’t even believe I was able to concentrate enough on my interview at McMillan Holdings yesterday. My mind wasn’t on the interview or the opportunity of a lifetime, but on today’s meeting. Yet somehow, I think I was able to come across as professional and the perfect person for the job. I was assured when I left the interview that I’d be hearing from them next week, since they need someone to start immediately. I hope the fact that I don’t have to give another company two weeks’ notice, like I’m assuming many other candidates will, puts me at an advantage.
Now, my mind is spinning with trying to figure out what in the hell just happened in the car.
He kissed me.
He didn’t just kiss me…he kissed me. Like he needed to. Like he couldn’t wait to get his hands and his lips on me.
He kissed me like that one kiss wasn’t enough for him.
I felt it in my toes and in my fingertips.
I can still feel his lips on mine, even minutes later. My lips still tingle like I’ve been sitting in the sun too long without any protection on my skin.
Blinking rapidly, I squeeze onto his hand. I should let go. I should put space between us because I don’t know what happened in his car minutes ago, but I know it’ll only be minutes before he regrets it and he’s back to being pissed at me.
This meeting can’t go well, and while I don’t have to be here, I also can’t imagine missing it.
I’ve wanted to see the Matsens ever since the day they took my baby home from the hospital. I want to see that they’re still the kind and honest people I chose for my baby. The letters are painful and sweet, but they’re never enough.