[Jedi Quest] - 08(19)

Was it a trick of the moonlight, or did Ferus suddenly look younger than his years? Usually, he looked much older. His noble features and the streak of gold in his dark hair had given him a look of maturity early on.

But now he looked uncertain, questioning. Young.

“You will find friendships later in life,” Obi-Wan said, after a pause. “Friendships are hard to maintain for the Jedi. It is why we treasure them. Let go of your longing, and what you want will come.”

“Or else I am meant to stay the way I am,” Ferus said. “I wish I had what Anakin has. His connection to the Force is strong, yet he also connects to beings very strongly.”

“Yes,” Obi-Wan agreed. “I’ve seen this. It’s something Qui-Gon Jinn had, too.”

“I know that Anakin will never be my friend. He knows I fear for him. I give him warnings when I know I shouldn’t, when I know it’s none of my business. So he resents me. I thought in the beginning… since I was a little older… that I could tell him things that other students couldn’t. It’s just I see things a fellow student would see.”

Here it was. Ferus had been leading to this. He wanted to tell him something. Obi-Wan felt impatient with him, but he calmed the impulse. He felt protective of Anakin. Ferus didn’t understand him. He had always been the correct student, the one who did everything right. He could not begin to know the fears and regrets Anakin had to deal with.

“And what do you see, Ferus?”

“I fear for him,” Ferus said quietly. “To admire him and feel fear for him at the same time didn’t make sense to me. It took me a long time to understand why I feared for him. I wanted to be sure there was no envy in it.”

“Do you envy him?” Obi-Wan asked.

“I suppose all the students do, in a way,” Ferus said. “He is the Chosen One. But what worries me is his will.” Ferus hesitated. “His power is so great that he thinks his judgment is as well. You saw his arguments tonight. He sees something is right, so therefore he must do it. He argues against you without hearing you. He thinks he can change situations, beings. Maybe he can’t do it alone, not yet. But someday he will. Should we trust someone who always believes he speaks with the voice of absolute right?”

That is it, Obi-Wan thought. That is what I see. What surprised him was that it was coming out of the mouth of one of Anakin’s peers, a boy only a year or two older than Anakin, someone who had only been on a couple of missions with him.

Ferus is always watching me, Anakin had told Obi-Wan resentfully.

And so Ferus was. But Ferus’s mature judgment surprised Obi-Wan. Surprised him and irritated him, he had to admit. Ferus did not allow for the goodness of Anakin’s heart. He did not see how hard Anakin tried. He did not know that Anakin questioned himself all the time.

“You are very observant, Ferus, but you must accept that I know him better than you,” Obi-Wan said carefully. “Anakin can be arrogant. I know that. But he is also learning and growing. He is respectful of his great power. He does not abuse it. He is younger than you, but he has seen much injustice, many terrible things. I do not think it so wrong that he wants to change things. You must understand that it isn’t ambition that drives him. It is compassion.”

Ferus nodded slowly. “I will think about what you said.” He stood. “Please know that I say these things only because he is the Chosen One, and the stakes are so high. Good night, Master Kenobi.”

“Good night,” Obi-Wan said.

He could have said more, but it wasn’t appropriate to debate Anakin’s character with another apprentice. He would have to sift through Ferus’s words and ponder them. He would have to let go of his impulse to protect Anakin and search for the truth in what Ferus had said. Ferus had touched on his own fears, and he needed to think about that.

He breathed in the night air. Not tonight, he decided. He valued his new confidence in Anakin. He needed to guard it. He needed to forget what he feared, just for a little while longer. He wanted to treasure what he had.





CHAPTER NINE


They could see the lights and hear the noise before they even passed through the security check. Teda’s villa was ablaze with colored laserlights. Tableaus of different worlds renowned for their natural beauty were arranged on the grounds. Each scene was a small-scale replica of that world’s greatest landmarks.

“Dremulae, Off-Canau, Xagobah, Belazura,” Ferus said, naming the worlds as they walked by. Native flowers from each of the worlds wafted delicate scents into the air. Servers walked about with repulsorlift trays carrying an array of native foods.