Gillam looked alarmed. “He’s a Jedi, too?” “They’re everywhere,” Tulah said, dazed.
“I never realized how much you lie,” Marit said to Gillam. “You breathe, you lie. This squad was never about us. It wasn’t about banding together to do something good. It was really all about you. And if you think the rest of us are going to support your lies, you’re not only a liar, you’re crazy. Like you said, Gillam, we all have nothing left to lose.”
“Affirmatively true,” Ze said, and Tulah nodded.
Gillam looked flustered. He opened his mouth and then clamped it shut. He crossed his arms. “I want to see my father,” he repeated.
“You’ll see him soon enough,” Siri said. “We’re taking you all to Coruscant. The Senate authorities can straighten out this mess.”
Siri led a protesting Rana Halion away. Ferus herded the squad toward the open doors of the hangar.
Obi-Wan was left alone with Anakin. At last it was time for him to speak to his Padawan. Yet he could not find the right words. He knew, glancing at his Padawan’s eager face, that Anakin meant well from the bottom of his heart. If Obi-Wan saw a shadow on that heart, he knew it would pain his Padawan to know it. In many ways, Anakin was still a boy. A wounded, loving, anxious boy with great gifts he did not fully understand.
Yet he was also a young man, close to maturity, who could do great harm. To others, yes. To himself, most of all
“They were going to conduct a raid on Andara,” Anakin said, tired of Obi-Wan’s silence. “But first they were going to kill me - “
“I know,” Obi-Wan said. “Everything was on Gillam’s datapad. Which you would have known if you had searched for Ferus.”
Anakin flushed. “I didn’t know where he was.” “You did not look.”
“I thought perhaps he was on leria or Andara. I thought the secret squad knew where he was - “
“You did not even look!” Obi-Wan shouted. “Your fellow Jedi was missing, and you did not even look!”
“I thought it best to continue under cover,” Anakin said. His face showed his surprise at Obi-Wan’s harshness. Obi-Wan never raised his voice. “I had infiltrated the squad. I thought my best chance of finding both Gillam and Ferus was to continue.”
“You were willing to participate in a raid that would have started a war,” Obi-Wan continued. He had to struggle to keep his voice level. He needed to keep as calm as possible.
“I didn’t know about the raid!” Anakin protested. “I mean, I knew they were going to do something, but it was a dry run, designed to show the Andarans that they had the capability of invading their airspace. I didn’t know they had plans to destroy their fleet. As soon as I did, I sabotaged the laser cannons.”
“Anakin, you left your fellow Jedi imprisoned and went off on a mission with a group of beings who you had no reason to trust,” Obi-Wan said. “You were wrong at every point. Can’t you see that?”
Anakin said nothing.
“You did not contact me to tell me Ferus was missing - “
“I would have compromised our cover - “
“You had a responsibility!” Obi-Wan’s voice cut like a laser whip. “Just as I had one to Siri. You betrayed me and the Order by your actions. And your inability to see that troubles me the worst of all.”
“I am sorry, Master.”
Obi-Wan shook his head. Grief rose in him “Those are words you speak so easily, Padawan.”
Anakin’s mouth closed in a line. “I don’t know what you want from me.”
Honesty. Loyalty. Patience. Obedience. Obi-Wan thought these things but did not say them. Because, after all, they were only words, too.
“I can only show you the path,” Obi-Wan said. “You must choose to walk on it.”
“I just…” Anakin stopped. He took a ragged breath. “I thought you would be proud of me.”
I am proud of you. Obi-Wan wanted to say the words. They were true. He was proud of so much in Anakin. But now was not the time to tell him that.
Or was it?
Help me, Qui-Gon.
But no matter how hard Obi-Wan listened, he could not hear the quiet wisdom of his Master. And now it was too late. Siri returned and signaled to him. It was time to go.
“I will take this matter up with the Council,” he said. “Of course,” Anakin said. “The Council. We can’t take a step without it.”
“That’s enough!” Obi-Wan snapped. “Come. The others are waiting.”
Anakin hesitated. The set of his mouth was stubborn. “Come, Padawan.” Obi-Wan’s tone rang with authority. Anakin’s hesitation cast a chill on his heart.