[Jedi Quest] - 02(3)
He wasn’t feeling jealous of Qui-Gon, Anakin told himself. It wasn’t that. He had loved Qui-Gon, too. Something else was bothering him about his Master’s preoccupation.
Maybe it was because he was still envious of their relationship. Obi-Wan had taken Anakin on as his Padawan with reluctance. Anakin had always sensed that. Qui-Gon had believed in him, and Qui-Gon’s belief had influenced Obi-Wan. How could Obi-Wan ignore his beloved Master’s dying wish?
Anakin had thought himself lucky at the time. To arrive at the Temple already chosen by a Jedi Knight! It was unheard of.
Now that he was fourteen, he had seen his fellow Jedi students wait and hope to be chosen by a Jedi Knight. He had talked to his new friend, Tru Veld, about it. Tru had told him about how his Master, Ry-Gaul, had studied him. Tru had felt Ry-Gaul’s eyes on him during lightsaber matches, during classes, even walking around the Temple. They had shared many conversations together. When Ry-Gaul had officially chosen Tru at last, he had felt honored.
Anakin too had always felt honored to be Obi-Wan’s Padawan.
But why? Anakin suddenly wondered. Obi-Wan did not choose me.
Today, for the first time, Anakin saw the difference.
Then a new thought pierced his heart. Had Obi-Wan brought him here as a desperate act, to develop a closeness he did not feel?
Chapter Two
Obi-Wan didn’t dwell on the past. It was not the Jedi way. But his Master was still a part of his life, more of a constant companion than a memory.
On Ragoon-6 it was hard not to drift back to the past. On his first visit here, Qui-Gon had received a vision that Tahl was in danger. He had not told Obi-Wan. They had left abruptly and had ended up going after Tahl against the wishes of the Council. In that dangerous mission, Qui-Gon’s vision had come true. Tahl had died. But not before Qui-Gon had risked everything, including his way on the Jedi path, to declare his love for her.
These were all things Obi-Wan had not known at the time. Some of them Qui-Gon had told him later. Others Obi-Wan had realized himself. Qui-Gon had never spoken of his love for Tahl. It was a place within him too deep for Obi-Wan to go. He was not invited there.
Now he had a Padawan, and he understood Qui-Gon’s sense of privacy. There were things it had been better for him not to know.
But how do you know what to share with your Padawan, and what to keep to yourself?
There were times when Qui-Gon’s silence had annoyed or hurt him. Yet in the end, it had not mattered. Nothing had mattered except the bond between them.
He wanted to have this bond with Anakin. He knew it would develop over time. Why was he in such hurry to make it happen? Something was driving him on, but he did not know what it was. It was as though Anakin would slip out of his grasp if he did not secure him. He had to do all the right things, the way Qui-Gon had done.
Obi-Wan thought back to his second visit to Ragoon-6. It had been close to the time he and Qui-Gon had left for Naboo on what would become their last mission together. But onRagoon-6 that ending was far away. They had enjoyed the tracking exercise, the time together, the break from their missions.
For even then, they had known the galaxy was changing. Missions were more numerous. Trouble spots erupted constantly. The senate called for their help more often. It had often been difficult to find the time for the training exercise, but Qui-Gon had insisted on it. He had promised Obi-Wan that they would return to Ragoon-6. When Obi-Wan had pointed out that they had plenty of time, a fleeting look of deep sadness had crossed Qui-Gon’s face.
“It seems there is always time when you are young,” hed said. “But you cannot hold a moment, Padawan. It runs out like water in you fist. You must seize it when you can, even as it falls away.”
Obi-Wan could have kicked himself. He thought at the time that he had reminded Qui-Gon of Tahl. He had, he supposed, but know he also knew that Qui-Gon was thinking of how fast time could pass, and how crowded a life could become.
Remembering this had spurred Obi-Wan on to slot the time for this visit with Anakin. It hadn’t been easy. The Jedi Council needed Master-Padawan teams. Yet Yoda and the Council we always careful to grant a request for this training mission. They had seen how many times it had strengthened the ties between a Master and an apprentice.
Would it strengthen theirs? Obi-Wan hoped so. He knew Anakin wasn’t looking forward to the exercise as he was. Anakin wanted to be doing serious things. He was anxious to prove himself on missions, anxious to see the galaxy. This time together would be a pause before a future Anakin was eager to meet. Obi-Wan hoped that the exercise would not be too tame for someone as gifted as Anakin.
That was why he had asked Wren to participate. Anakin might smile at how seriously Wren took his role, but he would soon appreciate how challenging Wren’s cleverness could be.