“Is he still alive?” Anakin asked.
“He died on Telos,” Obi-Wan answered. “He preferred to take his own life rather than surrender to Qui-Gon.” He studied Anakin for a moment. “Now let’s clean up and go out for the evening meal.”
Anakin went into his quarters. He felt a buzzing in his head, as if his thoughts were so numerous and confused that they could not register. He could not take in what Obi-Wan had told him. He could not imagine that such a thing could happen. How could a Jedi turn to the dark side? How could a Padawan betray his Master? If he hadn’t heard the story from Obi-Wan, he would have refused to believe it.
At last Obi-Wan had shared something real with him. There were times, especially early on, when Anakin questioned Obi-Wan’s motive in taking him on as Padawan. He knew Obi-Wan had done it because it was Qui-Gon’s wish. Was he a burden to Obi-Wan? Just a promise made to a dying friend? More than anything, Anakin longed to have the kind of bond with Obi-Wan that his Master had had with Qui-Gon. There were times when that closeness seemed very far away.
CHAPTER 15
Alone in his cabin, Obi-Wan splashed cold water on his face. When he raised his head and gazed into the small mirror over the sink, he was almost surprised to see his mature face. He had been plunged back into his boyhood twice today. It left him feeling rocked and tentative, as though he was once again that thirteen-year-old boy.
Seeing Andra was a pleasure. It brought back a satisfying memory. The mission on Telos had been treacherous, but Obi-Wan remembered it as a time when he and Qui-Gon had begun to rebuild the bonds between them after he had left the Jedi and his Master for a short time. They had worked together in the old rhythm, and for the first time since Obi-Wan had left, Qui-Gon had truly welcomed him back. He had made Obi-Wan feel that their bond was strong and would grow even stronger. As it did.
But Kad … Uni, Obi-Wan corrected himself. That confrontation had been less pleasant. He still remembered the hate in Kad’s eyes, the sound of the table splintering as the rod came down, the knowledge that this boy wanted to kill him. And how he had waited for the blow, defenseless, feeling that in some way if the blow fell he would at last be at peace with Bruck’s death. He would have paid a debt.
He had never told Qui-Gon about that moment. It was not the way a Jedi should think, or feel. He should have felt peace with the outcome of his battle with Bruck. But, Obi-Wan thought, staring bleakly at his mature reflection, twelve years later he still had no peace.
He wrenched his mind back to the present. He had noted his Padawan’s admiration of the workings of the BioCruiser. There was much to admire. But Obi-Wanwas disturbed by Uni’s philosophy. To his mind, the BioCruiser held a gathering of disillusioned idealists. Uni’s philosophy of withdrawal was based in anger and bitter disappointment. He did not like the change in Andra. He remembered her as a fierce defender of her planet. Had Uni caught her in such a low time in her life that he had tapped into her bitterness and sense of futility?
Obi-Wan had been on missions that had seemed hopeless at the start. He had seen criminals win, of course. He had seen civil war tear worlds apart. But he had also seen beings band together to fight for their planet and succeed against impossible odds. Uni’s philosophy did not impress him. Uni was a cynic hiding behind a veil of idealism.
He was also disturbed by the idea that all who joined the BioCruiser donated their wealth to the treasury. Andra had said this offhandedly, but Obi-Wan had to wonder who controlled such vast sums and who had access to them. Kad? His father? He still did not trust Vox Chun. Despite his supposed rehabilitation, Obi-Wan did not forget his part in the plundering of Telos. He was surprised that Andra could. She seemed to have left her healthy skepticism back on her home planet.
Still deep in thought, Obi-Wan fetched Anakin and suggested the nearby café for the evening meal. He would like a chance to observe the inhabitants of the BioCruiser when they were relaxed and at ease.
Anakin was soon engrossed in his food, which was fresh and delicious. Food meant less to Obi-Wan as he grew older. He had come to realize what a good Master Qui-Gon had been, in small ways as well as large ones. Qui-Gon had treated him as a Jedi, but never forgot he was a growing boy. If he hadn’t had Qui-Gon’s example, Obi-Wan wondered if he’d be as sensitive to Anakin’s needs as he tried to be.
Obi-Wan ate methodically. He glanced casually around the crowded room, but he was alert and attuned to every gesture. He watched carefully how the various diners interacted with one another.
Suddenly a tall man plopped down in a chair opposite him, a wide grin creasing his rugged face.”So. What are the odds?”