[Jedi Apprentice] - 15(3)

He did not need Yoda to tell him that visions should not serve as a guide for behavior. He did not listen to the Council when they cautioned him to wait. He left for New Apsolon, drawn by a compulsion he did not understand. He had to follow her.

But the most important thing had not become clear. Why had the visions of Tahl in trouble come to him, haunted him, driven him? Why did just the sight of her suddenly irritate him and warm him at the same time?

Then, in one blinding moment, he had received his answer. He had felt a shock so deep it seemed his body could not contain it. He had found that he was not just a Jedi, but a man. And the fever in his blood was Tahl.

Courage was something a Jedi did not think about. It was simply the will to do right. It was the discipline to move forward. Qui-Gon had never had to reach for it; it had always been there, ready for him. It deserted him when he asked to speak to Tahl alone.

He had poured out his heart as only a quiet man could. He had used few words. The time it took for her to respond had seemed endless. Then she had taken a step forward, taken his hand, and pledged her life to his. They would have one life, together, she had said.

What an astonishing lesson, Qui-Gon thought, to find that joy was such a simple thing. It sprang from a single, shining source. She said yes. She said yes.

As they walked the short distance to the museum, Qui-Gon had to discipline himself severely to recall his Jedi training. He knew that his Padawan was troubled by his behavior. It was true that for the first time since he was a young Temple student, he was having trouble with his focus.

In the midst of every battle, every trouble, Qui-Gon had always been able to find his calm center. When he reached for it now, it was gone. Replacing it was a core of turbulent, angry chaos, fueled by his guilt and his fear.

This was the time he must operate at the peak of his efficiency. This was the time that called for his most intense focus.

The cold fear that lay deep within him was not just for Tahl. He was also afraid of his own doubt.

He had never been so at a loss because he had never felt like this before. Only hours ago, he and Tahl had pledged their lives to each other. The emotion and the need had surprised them both. Once they had accepted it, it had felt like the most natural thing in the world. Qui-Gon was astonished to discover that he had found one person who mattered to him more than anything else in the galaxy.

And now he had lost her.

“Qui-Gon?”

Obi-Wan jolted him out of his jumbled thoughts. He saw that he had paused in front of the museum’s wide double doors.

“The museum is closed,” Obi-Wan said. “It’s too early.”

“It opens in fifteen minutes. No doubt the guides are here.”

The museum had been built shortly after the government of Apsolon reorganized and became New Apsolon. As a show of good faith, the government opened the doors of the hated headquarters of the Absolutes. People were free to come and acknowledge the horrors that had been done there. It was, the leaders felt, a way to prevent the horrors from happening again. Former victims of Absolute repression had come forward and obtained jobs as guides to the complex. This was how the Jedi had met lrini.

Qui-Gon pressed the off-hours signal button. He heard it ring inside. No one came.

Qui-Gon pounded on the door. He could not wait fifteen minutes. He could not wait one second more than he had to.

The door slid open. Irini stood in her guide uniform. She glowered at the Jedi.

“The museum is not open yet.”

“We saw that,” Qui-Gon said, striding past her.

“This is outrageous,” lrini said. “I came to you with information about Roan’s murder. I trusted you. The next thing I knew, you ran off and security threw me out of the Governor’s house.”

“Balog has kidnapped Tahl,” Qui-Gon told her, his voice struggling to remain even.

Irini gasped. Then, after a visible struggle, her face resumed its smooth mask. Her voice hardened. “I see,” she said after a moment. “So Balog is the traitor to our cause. He is the one behind the kidnapping of the twins and Roan’s murder.”

Despite Irini’s control, Qui-Gon sensed that this news had deeply upset her.

“He will be a formidable enemy,” she murmured.

“The only thing we know for sure is that Balog kidnapped Tahl,” Obi-Wan said. “We don’t know why.”

“We need a probe droid,” Qui-Gon said. “It’s the fastest way to track Balog. Alani told us Lenz could get one.”

“Lenz does not keep me informed as to his movements,” Irini said brusquely. “I am not his keeper.”

Qui-Gon felt his impatience tighten another notch. Every minute that ticked by took Tahl farther from him, made her trail colder. Irini stood in the way.