Yet it all meant nothing to him, not at this moment. At last he had come to see the truth. He had touched it and marveled at it and laughed at himself for not seeing it earlier. He had done all this in the space of a moment.
Oddly enough, the key to his revelation had been simple - the image of the pastry he had handed to Obi-Wan just yesterday. He had remembered the taste of it, the sweetness filling his mouth. That had been the lesson he had been searching for, the one he had given to his Padawan without much thought. In the midst of a complicated life of danger and service, he must sometimes remember to reach for the fruit.
“I wish to tell you something,” he said. “Well, two things. The first is that I agree that you should be the one to go to the meeting. But we will not take the twins and go, not until you return. I cannot leave New Apsolon without you. I have a deep conviction that if I do, I will not see you again.”
She started to pass off his remark, but stopped herself. “You feel this strongly?”
“I do. I felt foreboding back at the Temple. I was in a fever to see you again. Once we were together here, despite the fact that so much was unsettled, I did not care because I knew you were safe as long as we were together.”
She nodded slowly. “But Qui-Gon, I am not your Padawan. We cannot be together always.”
“Ah,” Qui-Gon said. “This brings me to the second thing I must say.”
Yet now that the moment had come, he stopped. Tahl waited. She would not prompt him. She would give him time. She did not always do that - she was the one to prod him, ask him the very questions he did not want to ask himself. Yet she knew him so well that she always knew when to give him time.
His heart filled, and she seemed to know it. Her face softened. Still, she did not speak.
“I have come to know something,” he said. “I cannot let you go, I cannot let another minute pass, without telling you this. I did not come to New Apsolon only because you are my friend. I did not remain because you are a fellow Jedi. I have come to see that you are not just a friend and a fellow Jedi, Tahl. You are necessary to my life. You are necessary to me. You are my heart.”
He saw her chest rise and fall. Color rose in her face. “You are not speaking of friendship,” she said.
“I am speaking of something deeper. I am speaking of everything a being can give another. This is what I offer you. I offer myself.”
He could not have spoken plainer. Hard words to say, but they needed to be said.
Another being would have taken a step, sat, moved, spoken. She was perfectly still. He waited, counting his heartbeats. He had taken a decisive step. It would put their friendship to the test.
He was willing to take the risk. At last he had known himself and his feelings. He was not sure of hers. In that moment of revelation he had understood all the tension between them over the past months, all the misunderstandings and irritations. They all had one root. Somewhere inside he had known his feelings for Tahl had deepened, and yet he was reluctant to face that. Back in the hall, the certainty of it had felt like sweet relief.
But now he was not so sure. Tahl appeared flustered, but that could be for any number of reasons.
“If you do not feel the same, I will step back into place and be your friend again,” Qui-Gon said. He was a man comfortable with silence, but not this one. He would never want to cause Tahl distress.
“No,” Tahl said with sudden warmth. “Do not step back. Let us step forward together. I feel as you do, Qui-Gon.”
He took a step forward at the same time as she did. She placed her hand in his.
“I did not know it until this moment,” she said. “Or maybe I did. Maybe I’ve known it for some time.”
He felt her fingers, warm and strong in his. “I pledge myself to you, Tahl.”
“I pledge myself to you, Qui-Gon.”
They stood, not moving for a moment. But both of them were now conscious of what waited for them outside the door.
“I must go to the meeting,” Tahl said. “Yes,” Qui-Gon agreed.
“We are Jedi. Our life together will be full of separations.”
“Yet we will have one life, together.”
“Yes.”
“When you return, we shall escort the twins back to Coruscant,” Qui-Gon said.
“Unless the government asks for our help,” Tahl amended.
“Yes, unless we are asked officially to stay,” Qui-Gon agreed.
“Whatever decision we make, we will be together,” Tahl said.
“Yes,” Qui-Gon agreed. “At last this is clear.”
CHAPTER 18
Obi-Wan waited outside the door. He couldn’t imagine why Qui-Gon had asked for privacy. What could he have to say to Tahl that his Padawan could not hear? Obi-Wan tried not to resent this. Whatever decision his Master made was undoubtedly the right one. Yet he still felt left out, sitting on the stairs outside the closed door like a child.