Sure, he’s closer friends with Emma Jo since they’ve lived in the same town together all this time, and sure, he’s still irritated I didn’t recognize him and probably still has a bug up his ass about how I ignored his crush on me back in high school, but give me a break. I just saw my first dead body too, you know. I wouldn’t turn down a hug or a reassuring pat on the back. Hell, I’d even take one of his stupid winks or smirks at this point.
“You look perfectly calm. I’m sure that’s the only reason he hasn’t said anything to you.”
“I could be crying on the inside. He has no idea, the jerk,” I grumble.
When Emma Jo doesn’t respond, I turn my head and look at her profile. Her face is still pale, her eyes are red-rimmed and puffy from crying, and now I’M the jerk in this situation and it doesn’t feel good.
“God, I’m such a bitch. Your husband is dead in your backyard and here I am complaining about some guy not paying me enough attention. And a guy I don’t give two shits about, at that,” I mutter softly.
Whatever. I’m not lying, YOU’RE lying.
“You definitely don’t give two shits about him. I think you’re probably up to about twenty shits, by my last count,” she jokes, bumping her shoulder into mine.
“Can you keep your voice down? Next thing you know, it will be all over town I take twenty shits a day,” I complain, nodding in the direction of Starla and half the people who live on this street, huddled over in Starla’s front yard, whispering and pointing in this direction.
Even if Leo is too selfish to spread his comfort and kindness to me, at least I can appreciate him doing it for Emma Jo by ordering everyone off her lawn and telling them they needed to stay out front where he could see them for the time being. It kept the gossipers from hounding us with questions about what was going on or waltzing right into Emma Jo’s backyard to find out for themselves.
“I’ve been sitting here this whole time assuming you’re fine because Jed was an abusive asshole who probably never would have let you go, but he was still your husband. You loved the guy and you spent twelve years of your life with him. I’m sorry, Emma Jo,” I whisper, swallowing back the tears of guilt and sadness for my friend and what she must be feeling right now.
“You have nothing to apologize for, Payton. Honestly, I don’t know why I’m crying. I’m sitting here saying to myself over and over, ‘Jed is dead, Jed is dead, Jed is dead,’ and I saw his body and I know he’s really gone, but I still can’t believe it. I can’t believe I’ll never be afraid of waiting for him to walk through the front door, worried about what kind of mood he’s in. I can’t believe I’ll never have to lie or make up excuses or hide what he did to me. I can go anywhere, do anything, say anything, and not be scared. I’m not sad, I’m…relieved.”
She finally turns her face toward mine and lowers her voice.
“Does that make me a bad person? I’ve wished that he was dead every day for twelve years, but I never thought it would actually happen.”
Leaning forward, I press my forehead against hers, just like we used to do when we were younger and one of us needed a little extra love or support. Her eyes stare questioningly into mine, and I do my best to make her feel better.
“Jed is dead, baby. Wishing for it is not what made it happen, therefore it does not make you a bad person,” I reassure her. “Baking him a pie laced with bleach, ammonia, and artificial coloring, however…”
Emma Jo laughs at my attempt to make a joke, pulling her head back from mine as we both silently watch Billy Ray come around from the side of the house and make another trip out to his car parked by the curb.
When Buddy finally stopped puking in the rose bushes earlier, Leo sent him out to his car to phone in a report to the station and call Billy Ray, coming inside alone to break the news to us. He had no idea we’d already seen Jed’s body through the laundry room window, and Emma Jo put on a great show of shock and the required sadness when he told her he suspected Jed most likely got to her backyard without Leo seeing him by sneaking through other backyards on the street, and then probably suffered a heart attack. Watching Billy Ray grab another bag of medical equipment from his trunk to go with the one he already took to the backyard when he first got here, doesn’t do anything to help keep me calm about the bumbling lawyer/bagger/feed store operator/coroner.
“What if Billy Ray finds out it wasn’t a heart attack? What if he tests the contents of Jed’s stomach? We’re in big, big trouble, Payton. He’ll know Jed ate a poisoned blueberry pie and my kitchen is a blueberry pie disaster,” Emma Jo speculates quietly.