“You didn’t call for advice. You called so I’d agree with you about how annoying Hot Guy was and make you feel like less of an asshole because it was totally fine for you to drool over some random Chesty McChesterson, but now that you know he’s the nerd you knew from high school, you think it’s appalling to be hot for him,” Bettie informs me.
“That’s not it at all!” I argue. “I don’t care if he was a complete weirdo in high school. I care that he’s a now cocky jerk of an adult who most likely has the hots for my best friend. You should have seen the way he looked at her and spoke to her, all sweet and gentle. I mean, she’s a married woman! Sure, she’s married to an abusive tool, but still.”
Bettie laughs through the line.
“And you should hear the way you’re talking right now. You’re jealous!”
“I am NOT jealous! I just think it’s indecent for the town sheriff to be mooning over a married woman,” I reply indignantly, wishing I would have Facetimed her so she’d see the stink-eye I’m currently aiming at my phone.
“You’re totally jealous, nice try. From what you told me, it sounds like he was all sweet and gentle with you too, until you didn’t recognize him. Talk about a blow to a man’s ego. You’re lucky Bo Jangles is the only one who pissed on your leg. If I was a dude and some woman I had a crush on in high school came back to town, I would have lifted my leg and pissed all over you myself for not knowing who I was,” Bettie says with another laugh.
Okay, so I may or may not have known back in school that Leo had a big crush on me, and I may or may not have completely ignored it and did my best not to hurt his feelings back then. I even stuck up for him when Jed and his jock friends would pick on him, and this is the thanks I get?
“Fine, so I didn’t recognize him when I saw him in the hospital, but can you blame me? The guy went from looking like Anthony Michael Hall in The Breakfast Club to Chris Hemsworth, all Thor-like and…pretty,” I complain, annoyed all over again that he knew I thought he was hot and didn’t hesitate to keep rubbing it in my face.
“Listen, as far as the whole Emma Jo thing goes, all you can do is what you’re doing right now, which is be there for her, and you know that,” Bettie tells me softly. “You don’t need my help with that situation. And regarding Sheriff Hudson? Might I suggest apologizing for not recognizing him and then laughing in his face when you found out who he was? It might stop him from arresting you for being a menace to society and use those handcuffs of his for good instead of evil.”
She continues talking about Leo and his weapons but I don’t hear a word she says. All I can picture is myself naked and chained to Leo’s headboard with a pair of his cuffs, while he looms over me with that stupid smirk on his face and his bare, muscular chest rubbing against mine.
“Alright, that’s enough,” I scold Bettie, stopping her mid-I wonder if he carries rope in his trunk for S&M dates. “I need to get back downstairs to Emma Jo now that he left.”
The last time Emma Jo checked on me, she told me she filled out the restraining order and that Leo left to go back to the station to file it and notify Jed. I’m sure she’s down there freaking out that he’s going to freak out and come back to finish the job he did on her.
“Remember, next time you see Hot Guy, say you’re sorry. You’re much cuter when you’re being all apologetic instead of standing there with a stick up your ass,” Bettie reminds me.
“You always say the sweetest things,” I reply sarcastically. “Don’t run my business to the ground. And if Benjamin comes in, make up something about me joining Habitat for Humanity or something. Maybe he’ll get the hint if he thinks I left the country.”
I’ve already ignored three voicemails from him since my plane landed. I know I need to have yet another conversation with him about how we are not getting married and things are over between us, but there’s only so many serious conversations a woman can handle at one time.
“He already stopped in right at closing tonight looking for you. I sent a text to my Uncle Stewart to see how hard it would be to hide a body in the city dump, but he hasn’t gotten back to me yet. In the meantime, I told Benjamin you reconnected with the love of your life from childhood and flew back home to marry him. Who knew I was psychic?!”
“Tell me you didn’t…”
“Soooooooo, I guess we’ll talk soon,” Bettie says quickly. “Make nice with the sheriff and maybe he’ll let you touch his weapon. Too-da-loo!”