Jax (Breaking the Declan Brothers #1)(23)

I need to get out of here. I have to get a handle on what I’m feeling. And I can’t go through another rejection right now. I’m not sure if he’s fucking with me, but this not giving in to us, this shit needs to end. I don’t know what he’s holding out for, why he doesn’t just surrender and have sex with me. It’s destined. If we continue down this road, it’s going to happen; there’s no way around it.

I gently remove his arm from my body and slowly slide out of the bed. He rolls onto his back, his arms lift and his hands curl, then they relax and slumber back into the mattress above his head. I stare down at him. He’s mesmeric. When I look at him, he takes me to this place, a place deep inside where we only belong. And it scares me.

Pulling myself away from the Herculean all sprawled out on the bed, I grab my clothes, quickly dress and tiptoe out of the room. I pass by a door and glance inside. Zeke’s sleeping in a chair and next to him in the bed, someone’s under the blankets. All I see is the back of a head, and it looks like it could be Slate. That’s strange. I shake my head and continue to the door.

In no time, I’m walking through the door of Rayna’s sister’s. Rayna comes strolling out of the kitchen in a long t-shirt, hair in a messy updo with a mug in her hand, and a huge knowing smile on her face.

I drop into the sofa.

“Here,” she places the coffee down on the table in front of me. “I gotta feeling you need this more than I do. I’ll go get another, and when I get back,” she points a finger at me, “I want to hear all about it.”

I smirk at her, palm the mug in my hands. I lift it and take a much-needed sip as Rayna leaves the room. Shit. I forget she takes sugar in hers. I put it back down.

“So,” she capers back in and sits beside me on the sofa, “I take it you were with Jax.”

“Yeah.” I push the strands of hair hanging in my face behind my ear.

“And?”

“And we slept together, and when I say slept, that’s exactly what I mean.”

Her lips pucker, forehead wrinkles, and head tilts. “Like, no sex slept?”

I slowly nod my head. “He woke me up at four-thirty in the morning so he could,” I quote with my fingers, “sleep with me.”

“Huh,” she picks up her coffee and takes a sip. “That’s kinda,” she holds the mug close to her mouth, “sweet.”

“Right,” I say slouching back into the cushion. “I don’t get him. One day, he’s saying all these wicked naughty things to me in a dark room, and the next he’s holding me naked while we sleep.”

“Hold up,” her hand comes out as she nearly spits out her coffee. “You were naked in bed with him, and he didn’t touch you?”

“Yes.” I nod again. “Completely naked.”

“Damn, that boy’s got some discipline. I’m mean, how many guys do you know who would or could do that?”

“None.”

“Exactly.” Rayna looks at me. “I always wondered what he’d be like. Ya know, to see him in a relationship. He was the mature one, the responsible one. Even though he’s only two years older than Slate, he seemed to hold down the fort in the Declan home. Even when Grams was around, everything had to go through Jax. Don’t get me wrong, he was always nice, but I gotta say, he was a bit intimidating.”

“I think that’s what I liked about him…that quiet reserve. A lot of guys are so cocky, full of themselves and such jerks, but Jax, as hot as he was, he never threw it around.”

“Ya, I get what you’re saying. So what are you going to do?”

I stand up, Jax’s scent still clinging to me, and look down at Rayna. “I’m going to try to break him before he breaks me.”

Her brow rises. “Do you have feelings for him? I mean, aside from wanting to fuck him?”

“I don’t know.” I set my hands on my hips. “He’s so confusing. He makes me think he wants me, almost as if he’s always wanted me, but I know that can’t be true. If he would’ve just showed some interest all those years ago, I’m sure he knows that he could have had me.”

“Slate never mentioned anything to me, but then again, Jax did always look at you longer than a guy who’s not interested should.”

“No, he didn’t.”

“Ah, ya he did, always when you weren’t looking, but I kept it to myself. As I said, he scared me. And if I was wrong, well, I didn’t want Slate’s big brother angry with me. Besides, I didn’t want to give you any false hope. I knew you had a huge crush on him.”