My mind went crazy wondering where she could be, at one point, imagining that she was out with another guy. A jealous insecurity like I had never felt in my life started brewing inside me. I sent her another text:
Where are you right now?
When there was still no reply, I threw my phone, and the screen cracked.
Fuck.
***
When I got back to my apartment, thankfully, my roommates weren’t home since it was still late afternoon. Ryan made no secret of the fact that he didn’t want me with Nina, so he and I avoided each other. I pretty much kept out of the living area entirely when he was home. I was never quite sure which team Tarah was on.
When I opened the door to my bedroom, my entire body shuddered in shock.
The sight of beautiful blonde hair cascading down the side of my bed stopped me in my tracks.
She was sleeping in my bed.
Nina was out like a light, her body rising and falling slowly with each breath. I stood frozen a few feet away, not wanting to wake her.
I noticed her phone on my desk, with the lit up notification of my texts. She wasn’t ignoring me; she was asleep…in my bed…the entire time.
My heart filled with love and my body with desire as I sat down next to the bed, taking in her beautiful silhouette curled up on top of my comforter. With each passing minute, I became more and more tempted to curl up beside her and hold her, but I stayed back, afraid if I woke her, she’d leave.
I thought back to the other night when I could have sworn I smelled her on my pillow. I had assumed it was my imagination playing tricks on me. I laughed to myself now, realizing the probability was good that she had actually been in my bed that day. She was always a little sneak.
I loved her so much it hurt.
After about ten minutes, her body stirred and her eyes opened. When she noticed me sitting there, she jumped.
Her eyes were groggy. “Jake…I’m sorry, I—”
“Shh. Baby, it’s okay. I can’t tell you how happy it makes me that you sleep in my bed when I am in work. It means you’re thinking about me, and I can’t stop fucking thinking about you. I had to leave early today, because I couldn’t focus. I went to your apartment. If I had known you were here…”
She scooted up against the headboard. “I still have my key, so sometimes I come here.”
I reached my hand over to cup her cheek. She closed her eyes when I rubbed my thumb across her face. She started to tear up. I was going to lose it. Anytime she cried because of me, it felt like getting stabbed in the chest.
I climbed onto the bed and placed my face on her stomach, afraid she’d resist, but she didn’t. Instead, she caressed my hair with her soft fingertips. This was exactly the comfort and reassurance I needed, what I had been desperately searching for today. A firestorm of emotions that had been dormant for years erupted inside of me, and I cried for the first time in my adult life. It felt like the weight of the past six years was finally crushing me, and the core of her body was the only place I felt safe enough to let go.
My shoulders shook over and over as I buried my face into her, my tears soaking through the thin fabric of her shirt. She held me closer, and I could hear her crying too. In that moment, I realized the depth of her love for me; I just worried whether love would be enough to conquer the lack of trust that now existed.
When my tears stopped, I sniffled and kept my head on her stomach. I couldn’t resist moving my mouth over her skin. She let out a soft moan that my dick felt instantly. The need to be inside her grew by the second. I began to kiss her stomach more urgently, grazing her with my teeth, nearly ripping her shirt as I pulled at the material.
I knew she was conflicted and could tell she was tensing up. I understood why. Nina was very literal and saw the situation as cut and dry. In her eyes, I was a married man, off limits. In my mind, a piece of paper couldn’t dictate who owned my heart. And she owned me in every way that mattered.
Despite her reservations, I also knew that I had a strong physical effect on her. It’s why she’d been staying away from me these past few weeks. Her body reacted to me from the very first moment I met her. She would always buckle under me with the slightest touch. That’s always made me crazy. If I kept touching her like this, it wasn’t a question of whether she would give into me today but when. I just needed to decide whether I would push, knowing that she had asked me for space.
I started to kiss lower and could almost taste her.
Fuck space.
I needed her like my life depended on it, to carry me through the next few weeks, which were going to be the most difficult of my life. Because that cry I just had confirmed what I already knew. I would be going through with telling Ivy about the divorce, because Nina was the love of my life, and I couldn’t live a second longer without her.