I licked my lips remembering how sweet she tasted and squeezed some shampoo out of the bottle to jerk myself off. I pretended I was pumping into her and came within seconds as I thought about how she looked at me with those beautiful innocent blue eyes when she climaxed. Her blonde hair was spread out all over the pillow like spun gold.
Back in bed, I prayed that I would get to experience all of that again with her and that she would just let me love her, despite all of my baggage. Something told me I would need those prayers because I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be that simple.
***
The next morning, I woke up to find one niece on each side of me pulling me out of bed. They begged me to take them to school, which turned out to be a welcome distraction. I decided to go back to the house afterward for some breakfast before returning to the hospital for the rest of the day.
Allison didn’t have to work until noon, and Cedric decided to go into work late, so they were both having breakfast together in their massive kitchen when I walked in. I had a feeling they were waiting to grill me about stuff. I had confided in them about my obsession with Nina over Christmas. Even though I had been struggling with guilt, they both had encouraged me to pursue her.
“Hey,” I said as I walked in.
“Hey, little brother,” Allison said smiling.
I grabbed some cereal and sat down at the table, noticing they were both staring at me.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
Allison laughed. “I should be asking you that. By the look on your face, something is going on.”
“What are you getting at?”
I knew what she was getting at.
“She wants to know what happened with blondie, but she’s waiting for you to tell her because she doesn’t want to seem like the nosy sister that she is,” Cedric said, giving Allison a peck on the cheek after she nudged him.
My mouth was full of cereal. “Ah, I see. You really want to know what happened?”
She leaned in. “Yes.”
Suddenly, the tone of the conversation changed from jovial to serious. I sighed, pushed my bowl away and answered her. “Everything fucking happened, almost at once, and I might be about to lose it all just as fast.”
“You mean…you…”
I nodded. “Yes, multiple times. And I told her I loved her. I am…in love with her.”
Cedric eyes widened. “Whoa. That serious, huh?”
“I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life. The problem is, I haven’t had a chance to tell her about Ivy. I had planned to tell her everything last night but had to fly here instead. She knows nothing, and I think I might be fooling myself into thinking that she’s going to accept it all.”
He shook his head. “You’d be surprised what people can accept when they love each other. If she truly cares about you, she’ll find a way. Look at your sister and me…all that I had kept from her when we first started dating. But we got through it because we were meant to be.”
Allison reached out for my arm. “I want you to be happy, and this girl clearly makes you happy. I had never seen you with the look in your eyes that you had over Christmas when you first told me about her. You have suffered alone for five years with Ivy. You have your whole life ahead of you. You are the most loyal person I know. That is what I love about you…how you are with Hannah and Holly and how you’re always there for me. You love hard, but in this case, that’s also been a curse. No one your age should be expected to live like you have been, Jake…no one. You deserve to have the kind of love that fulfills you, like I have with Cedric and not feel guilty or like you don’t deserve that because of the hand you’ve been dealt.”
“I know I deserve it, but it’s not that simple. I can’t just fucking leave Ivy. I made a vow. What would happen to her? I’m all she has. My name is on everything. She’s on my insurance. I have power of attorney. Whoever I’m with is going to need to understand that. What if Nina can’t? This is why I didn’t want to get involved with anyone. Nina doesn’t deserve to be dragged into this.”
“Do you love Ivy?” Allison asked.
“I don’t think I even knew what being in love was until I met Nina…eating, sleeping and breathing someone, feeling like I can’t live without her. I thought what I felt for Ivy when we were eighteen was love. Looking back, it was more infatuation. But to answer your question, I do love Ivy in the same way that I love you.”
“So, you’re staying married to someone you love like a sister because you’re afraid of what will happen to her? Don’t you ever want to have a family someday?”