“I was on the roof.”
“Ivy—”
She cut me off and shouted. “I was just getting air!”
I decided not to grill her any further. It was pointless. Even this little amount of clarity from her was rare, and I didn’t want to push her into an episode. She just needed to know I was there for her. Thank God, this time, my being here didn’t set her off.
She kept her hand in mine, and I watched her eyes return to the clock on the wall. Aside from the faint traffic sounds through the glass from the street below and the clock ticking, it was quiet. Then, came a light knock on the door.
“Mr. Green?”
I turned around to see a tall middle-aged woman with a white coat standing at the doorway.
“I’m Doctor Greally.”
“Hi,” I said, standing up as we shook hands.
“May I have a word with you?” She gestured for me to walk out into the hallway with her.
I looked back at Ivy who was still staring at the clock. “I’ll be right back.”
“What happened, doctor?” I whispered.
“She was apparently naked on the roof threatening to jump if someone didn’t leave her alone. There was no one actually bothering her and no one in the vicinity. The staff at the home had a tough time getting her down safely. They brought her in because they didn’t know what else to do.”
I rubbed my forehead vigorously with my fingers. “How long is she going to be hospitalized this time?”
“At least a few days. I wanted to talk to you about treatment options.”
“You obviously looked at her records? Nothing has ever worked for her,” I said.
“Yes, but I noticed they’ve never tried Clozapine.”
“What is that?”
“Well, it’s usually prescribed as a last resort in patients who have never responded to any of the other anti-psychotics.”
“Why is it a last resort?”
“There are some potential troubling side-effects, like dangerously lowering white blood cell count. People who take it have to have frequent blood tests to monitor the situation. However, aside from that risk, it can be a very effective treatment in some people.”
My stomach felt sick. “When do we have to make a decision?”
“You can take all the time you need. Just know that it’s an option.”
“Thank you,” I said as I rubbed my chin, unsure about whether it would be worth the risk. I’d have to do more research.
As I reentered her room, she was fast asleep. I sat down beside her and once again, felt helpless as I watched her peaceful face.
When she was sleeping, it was easy to imagine the old Ivy. I only got to experience that girl for under a year before things started to dramatically change. The past five years have been a steady decline.
Ivy and I dated for six months before we eloped to Vegas on a whim and were only married for about six months more when her behavior started to deteriorate. At first, I didn’t understand what was happening or what to even call the episodes; I just referred to it all as hell.
The first time I ever took her to the hospital, by the time she was discharged, it finally had a name.
***
“That went well, don’t you think?” my co-worker Henry said as we exited the meeting.
“Yeah. Lunch?”
“Sure. The Ninety-Nine?” he asked.
I turned the corner toward my cubicle. “I’ll meet you in five.”
I had been doing my co-op for a technology company north of Boston. It was a hip start-up, and I loved the fact that they didn’t give a shit about my piercings. As long you worked hard, they left you alone. Management had called some of us in to talk about possible job opportunities after graduation. They were scoping out the co-op students for computer hardware engineering positions. We would be developing computer chips, circuit boards and routers.
I didn’t like working so far outside the city, where we lived. Ivy’s behavior had deteriorated lately, and she was really starting to worry me. She had dropped out of school and lost her job several weeks ago, which meant she was now home all day. She wasn’t in any condition to work, but not having anything to occupy her was making an already bad situation worse. I didn’t know how to help her anymore, but losing my job too wasn’t going to help either one of us. So, I drove the forty-five minutes every day and left her alone, hoping for the best.
Rachel, the receptionist, spoke through my phone intercom as I was counting my cash for lunch.
“Jake?”
“Yo.”
“Please come out front.”
Her tone was strange. I immediately grabbed my wallet and walked to the front desk.
My heart dropped.
No.
No.
Not here.