Jake Undone(53)

Our plans were to go to a late afternoon mass at St. Margaret’s Church, followed by a small gathering of my parents’ close friends back at the house.

It was in the middle of mass that evening, when my solemn Christmas Eve took an interesting turn. My phone had been on vibrate when I felt it buzz against the pew. It was a text from Jake.

I didn’t want to be rude and read it during the sermon, but I couldn’t help myself.



So, I’m in the middle of a Christmas get together at my sister’s house, and she has Pandora radio on. That Divinyls song comes on, and now all I can think about is you. Thanks a lot.



What Divinyls song?

It was killing me not knowing what he was talking about. I managed to hold off on googling it until we left the church. Once in my father’s car, I searched “Divinyls songs” and found it: I Touch Myself. I knew the song but not who sang it.

Of course. Very funny, Jake.

I happened to notice another song by The Divinyls on the list. It was the perfect title of a song that would describe how he made me feel. So, I texted him back:



That’s funny, because there is a Divinyls song that reminds me of you too. It’s called Pleasure and Pain.



I was expecting him to respond in typical Jake fashion with a wise comeback.



Jake: ;-) So, what are you doing tonight?



Nina: Christmas is kind of sad at my house. We just went to church. Now, going home for some dinner. What about you?



Jake: Playing dolls with my nieces. Don’t tell anyone.



Nina: LOL. You never cease to amaze me.



About three minutes later…



Jake: When are you coming back to the city?



Nina: Not for almost two weeks.



Jake: Damn.



Nina: Are you gonna miss me that much?



Jake: Actually, yeah. I miss you already, to be honest. A lot.



Oh.



Nina: I miss you too.



Jake: Merry Christmas.



Nina: Merry Christmas.



After dinner, my parents stayed in the dining room eating roasted chestnuts with a few friends while I excused myself back to my room yet again. I lay back on my canopy bed (don’t laugh) and closed my eyes, looking up at the glow-in-the-dark stars (don’t laugh) that I had stuck on the ceiling years ago.

All I could focus on was Jake saying that he missed me. And you know what? It was a hell of a lot better than focusing on how much I missed my brother. In fact, these past few months living in Brooklyn have been the first time since Jimmy died that I have felt alive again.

He brought me back to life.

He brought me back to life, and he could very well be the death of me all over again.

It would be worth the risk.

But he’s holding all the cards.



An hour later, it was about ten o’clock when my phone vibrated.



Did you see the moon tonight?



I smiled and immediately walked over to my window. The moon was not quite full but almost, and it was amazingly bright. Along with the snow on the ground and the holiday lights shining from across the street, the combination was astonishingly beautiful. It absolutely warmed my heart to think about Jake looking up at that same moon, thinking of his Dad tonight.



Nina: I would have never thought to look out at the moon on Christmas Eve, but I am glad I did. You always have a way of opening up my eyes to things.



Jake: There is nothing more I’d rather look at right now, actually.



Nina: The moon is beautiful.



Jake: I was talking about your eyes.



On reflex, I touched my hand to my heart, as if to stop it from leaping out of my chest. He had the ability to completely shake me to the core and transform my body to mush with a simple sentence. I needed to respond but couldn’t form a coherent word. He texted again before I could try.



Jake: They’re the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen. I get lost in them sometimes. They comfort me in a way that nothing else can.



My hand was shaking as I wrote.



Nina: I love your eyes, too.



Jake: I know I’ve been confusing you. I am sorry. We need to talk when you come home.



My heart was palpitating because it didn’t know how to react to “we need to talk.”



Nina: I think we need to talk, too.



I waited for a response, but apparently that was the end of the exchange. I fell asleep confused, not sure whether to be heartbroken or happy that he wanted to talk about us.

My phone was still in my hand when I woke up the next morning, Christmas day. I looked down and realized he had, in fact, texted me one more time, hours later in the middle of the night.



Jake: I’ve got it…Angel. That’s my answer to your question from the plane. What Nina reminds me of.



I didn’t know what exactly had gotten into him, but I was sort of liking it. As I got out of bed, though, giddiness transformed into a lingering fear that had begun to gnaw at me.