Jake Undone(21)

Several minutes passed as we joked around while listening to the music, picking at the food and finishing off the champagne. My fear level had gone down even more significantly.

I shook my head again as I realized that the next song on Jake’s “terrorize Nina” playlist was Stuck in the Middle with You by Stealer’s Wheel.

“You like that, huh?” he laughed.

I shook my head, just staring at him in awe. “You’re crazy…but you know what? I am not panicking anymore, so there is something to this.”

He winked. “Good girl.”

Something about the way he said that made me shiver. I knew I must be calming down because my body suddenly became hyperaware of him.

Lust was winning again.

More carefully selected songs played one after the other as we continued to eat, and since my nerves were desensitizing, I had begun taking notice of all the other things I had been missing, like, how incredible he smelled. This time, it was just the cologne without the cigarettes. His hair was perfectly styled and gelled. The fitted tee he wore under the plaid shirt hugged his chest. The sleeves were rolled up, showing off his strong forearms. I looked closely at the colored tats on his right arm, unable to decipher what they all meant. He was wearing black jeans and black Converse sneakers. His feet were laid out next to me, and they were large, maybe size eleven. That reminded me of his hand and how big and warm it felt when he held my hand on the subway trip.

He smelled good enough to eat.

Jake interrupted my thoughts. “Earth to Nina!”

I blinked. “Hi.”

“Have you had your fill?

I shook my head. “Excuse me?”

“Should I put this stuff away?”

“Oh…yeah…um…yes.”

I laid my head back on the elevator wall, exhausted from my earlier self-induced panic episode. I was not completely calm by any means but was surprised to know that sticking it out actually did work. I had been sure that if I couldn’t escape a terrifying situation, I would faint or even die from the panic. The feelings really do subside eventually. And if you can reach that point, it’s actually exhilarating. What goes up must come down, I guess.

Jake had just about finished putting the items back into his backpack when the music changed. He joined me in leaning his head against the back wall and closed his eyes. He was sitting far away from me and I ached for him to move closer. The tone of this new song was completely different from the other ones. It was mellow with very little instruments. The female singer had a soothing, folksy voice. It was unfamiliar, but the words were breathtaking. The song was about a woman who gets stuck in an elevator with a stranger she was wary of initially, but he really grows on her, and she starts to fall for him, realizing eventually that their getting stuck together was meant to be and magical.

I opened my eyes to look over at Jake, who still had his eyes closed. “Who sings this?” I asked.

“It’s a song I found online called Stuck in the Elevator by Edie Brickell. You like it?”

“Yeah. I do.”

“Good.”

“You’re still insane, though.”

He opened his eyes, turned to me and smiled. His dimples completely did me in at that point. Then he closed his eyes again listening to the song, and once again, I got to look at his handsome face in peace, without his knowing. His nose was perfect, not too big and not too small. His lips were crimson and the lower one with the lip ring was slightly more prominent. I noticed that his dark lashes were much longer than mine.

I thought about how my father would react if he knew I was stuck in an elevator with a guy as “dangerous” looking as Jake. Dad likely wouldn’t get the irony: that Jake had done more for me than all the other straight-laced guys I had ever known put together. My asshole ex only laughed at my phobias instead of helping me through them. He was too busy cheating on me.

I didn’t really know much about Jake’s life at all. What I did know for sure was that he was complex and closed off. For someone who had done so much for me in a short amount of time, he offered very little about himself. But he didn’t have to say anything for me to know that what you saw was not what you got. His choosing this emotional song confirmed it.

There was so much I wanted to ask him, so much I wanted to know, but I was afraid to find out. I didn’t really want to hear what I suspected…that he had a girlfriend in Boston. Was it his girlfriend that I overheard him with that first day I moved in? There hadn’t been any girls in the house since. Truthfully, I also didn’t really want to hear that I wasn’t his type.

I wondered if he really understood how much what he had done for me today meant. I also wondered if he knew that I felt exactly like the woman singing this song. That if I had to be stuck in an elevator with anyone, I was glad it was with him.