Jake Understood(50)

Please understand, Nina.

My thoughts about what might happen after Christmas had consumed me so much that I hadn’t even realized I was caressing her hand with my thumb. My body had apparently taken advantage while my brain wasn’t paying enough attention to warn against it. It was doing what felt natural. That was my first prolonged physical gesture toward her. We’d held hands several times, innocently spooned and joked around about sexual things. Hell, I’d even told her I wanted to make her come. But aside from briefly grabbing her waist that one drunken night in my room, I’d never actually touched her for any great length of time in a really sensual way. While rubbing my thumb against her hand might have seemed like an innocent thing, as soon as she started matching my circular motion with her own thumb, it turned into something altogether different. My strokes became firmer to let her know that I approved of the reciprocation. Just from the way my body was responding, and the way she always reacted to even brief contact from me, I knew that sex with Nina would rock my world. At the moment, I was certain I’d do practically anything to experience being inside of her just once.

I continued to watch her breathing as her eyes remained closed.

We could be so good together. In every way.

I prayed for the chance as her soft tiny thumb circled my big calloused one. She caught me off guard when she suddenly opened her eyes, turning to me and seemed surprised to find me staring at her. My eyes hadn’t left her since she’d closed hers. I was caught in the act.

The plane was losing altitude in preparation of the landing, and I became overcome with emotion. The slow descent represented the beginning of a new phase of our relationship, one that would be based on harsh reality, not fantasy.

I had to prepare myself for the likely possibility that I’d lose her and decided that if that were the case, moving out of the apartment would be the only option. To live with her and have to watch her from afar moving on with her life…dating…would be torture. The other side of the coin, if she accepted my life as it was, would bring me everything I’d ever wanted, things I never thought would be possible. What bothered me the most was that I truly had no idea which way it was going to play out.

I finally let go of her hand just long enough to push some of her hair behind her ear. “You better put on your seatbelt. The light just came on.”

Trepidation returned to her eyes as she thought about the impending landing. She leaned her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes. I closed mine, too. She’d done it to calm herself down, but I’d done it to cherish the last moments of our flight. Inhaling every sweet breath that escaped her as she exhaled, I attempted to burn the scent into memory, trying to imagine what she tasted like.

After a rough, bouncy landing, the aircraft skidded to a halt. Our hands stayed connected as we exited the plane. We continued to hold hands as we navigated through the crowd at JFK and kept our fingers intertwined during the ride home. It started to snow outside while Christmas music played on the cab radio.

“I wish I didn’t have to leave tomorrow,” she said, her voice almost pained. “I’m so much happier here than there.”

I’m happier when you’re here, too.

I tightened my grip on her hand as Josh Groban’s rendition of O, Holy Night came on. It made me sad that she was dreading Christmas. It was the main reason I was waiting to talk to her about Ivy since I knew the holidays would be hard enough on her. “I really wish you didn’t have to go, either.”

When the cab dropped us off in front of the apartment, I made no effort to go inside and neither did she. Nina sat on the stoop in front of our building and looked up at the sky while the snow fell on us, forming a powdery layer of white over her hair. Even though it was snowing, the temperature was mild.

She held her hands up to catch the snowflakes. “This is beautiful.”

You are.

“It is,” I said.

“What time is it?” she asked.

“It’s nearly 2 a.m.”

She bit her bottom lip. “We should probably go in.”

“Do you want to go inside?”

“Not really.”

“Let’s not, then.” Determined not to let this day end, I stood up and gave her my hand. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

“To buy a few things.”

We walked the couple of blocks to the all-night grocery store. As we entered the bright lighting of the market, she looked at me inquisitively. “What are we getting?”

“Since we won’t be together for Christmas on Sunday, we should have a little party tonight.”

Nina was grinning from ear to ear. “I think that’s a great idea.”