Jake Understood(11)

It was the middle of the evening commute, so there were no seats. Her body started to shake as soon as the train doors slid closed. I wanted to hold her, but that probably wasn’t the best idea for multiple reasons. I had to constantly remind myself of the boundaries that needed to be set for my own good. Instead, I simply rested my hands on her shoulders to keep her balanced.

“It’s okay to feel nervous, Nina. You’re not supposed to be comfortable. Stop trying to fight it and just let those feelings be there.”

As the train swayed, I kept my eyes fixed on her face to make sure she wasn’t going to hyperventilate or anything. She wouldn’t look at me. Her cheeks were flushed, and her body continued to tremble in fear. I could only take so much before I placed my hand on her chin and forced her eyes on mine. “How are you doing?”

“Fine. I just want this to be over.”

My stomach sank. She had no clue what was in store for her next. I felt bad but reminded myself it was all for her own good.

“Our stop is next.” I smiled, and for the first time since stepping on the train, she returned it.

“Eighth Avenue,” the announcer shouted over the loud speaker.

She seemed to calm down a little after that. When the train stopped abruptly, my body accidentally pushed into hers, and I could feel her soft breasts against the hardness of my chest. An unintentional moan escaped from under my breath. She looked up at me, and I smiled down at her.

Leading Nina out of the train, I joked, “You’re still with us. Was that so bad?”

“It was about what I expected, but I’m glad it’s over. Can we take a cab home now?”

Crap. She really did think that was it; she was going to friggin’ hate my guts.







If it were anything but a crowded city, we would have attracted a lot of attention. Nina looked like I’d taken her hostage as she reluctantly let me lead her through the sidewalks of New York to an unknown destination. Picture this: A tall, tatted and pierced dude dragging around a little innocent looking thing who was practically shaking in her boots. It must have been like watching Marilyn Manson and Laura Ingalls heading toward you down the street.

After walking in silence for several blocks through Manhattan, we’d arrived at our destination, a high-rise apartment building that my friend Vinny from work managed part-time. He’d set it up so that we could have full use of one of the elevators for as long as necessary.

After I introduced Nina to Vinny, she probably figured I was taking her on an elevator ride. What she didn’t know was that it would be so much more than that.

The second I pushed the up button, her panic set in. “Jake, listen, I don’t know if Ryan ever said anything, but this whole thing…all of my problems…they started in an elevator. It was where my first panic attack happened. I was in high school and got stuck in one and—”

“All the more reason to get past that. If you get in one right now, you can help undo the damage created by your own mind.”

She grabbed me by the arm. “Please…I’ll do anything else but this.” The fear in her eyes was like nothing I’d ever seen before.

She looked like she was about to cry. Shit. I had really picked a doozy of an inaugural exercise.

The bell dinged, signaling that the elevator had arrived to the ground level. The doors opened, and I stuck my arm inside to prevent them from closing.

The first teardrop fell down her cheek.

“Fuck. Nina, don’t cry. Come on, I promise you that nothing will happen to you in there.”

It was amazing how an irrational fear could take hold of someone’s common sense. She needed to overcome this, and I’d be damned if I let her chicken out. But I couldn’t force her to do anything. Ultimately, she had to be the one to make the decision to step inside.

The black backpack I’d brought with reinforcements was weighing me down, so I placed it on the ground, figuring I would need all my strength in case she spazzed out on me. I stepped inside and reached my hand out to her.

After several minutes, she finally took it and let me pull her in.

Yes.

Her voice was shaky. “Leave the door open.”

“Okay. We can take this slow.”

I continued to hold the door open but knew she was never going to tell me to close it. “You tell me when you are ready to take a ride.”

“I won’t ever be ready. Don’t you understand? I won’t ever be ready for that door to close.”

“Then, you need to let me decide when, okay? You trust me, Nina?”

She squeezed my hand tighter. For a petite girl, she sure as hell had a lot of strength when she was clinging on for dear life.