Hearing Linc's name called out, coupled with everything that had just happened with Gabe, sent shockwaves reverberating through me. I knew I couldn't stay there one second more. I then did something so uncharacteristic of me.
I ran.
Sprinting out the backdoor of the auditorium, I bypassed my car and kept going on foot. Although the winter air stung my lungs and my muscles began to burn, I kept running. I didn't stop until I skidded through the front door of Harts and Flowers.
Kennedy glanced at me from behind the counter where she was adjusting some freshly baked cupcakes. After taking one look at me, she cried, "Ellie, get out here!"
"Can't it wait? I'm trying to get the last of the arrangements together for Mr. Johannsen's wake."
"Now," Kennedy demanded.
My frantic gaze bobbed from Kennedy over to the back of the store where Ellie had poked her head out of the curtain. "Oh shit," she murmured before she came striding toward me.
"Please tell me you guys have a tequila reserve hidden somewhere in here?" I said, barely managing to get it out as I panted.
"No tequila, but there is some rum."
I nodded. "Get it, and don't bother with a glass. I'll drink straight from the bottle."
"Oh shit," Ellie repeated.
After I collapsed on one of the overstuffed couches in the bakery area of Harts and Flowers, I watched my sisters scramble around to fulfill my request. Although I'd originally envisioned drinking from the bottle, Kennedy ended up pouring glasses for the three of us. While Ellie sat down beside me on the couch, Kennedy pulled a chair over to sit across from us.
Once I'd downed my glass and half of another one, I unloaded on Kennedy and Ellie about what had happened with Gabe and Linc.
"Fuck," Kennedy muttered.
"Yep. That pretty much sums it up."
After we sat in silence a few moments, Kennedy leaned forward in her chair. "Okay, don't kill me for this since you can be a mean drunk, but would it really be that bad for Linc to keep playing the guitar?" Kennedy asked.
I widened my eyes at her. "Whose fucking side are you on?"
"It's not about sides, Rae. It's about what's best for your son."
Pouring myself another glass of rum, I sighed. "I honestly don't know." And that was the honest to God truth. My mind kept flashing back to how happy Linc had looked playing, but it wasn't just about him being happy-he was good at it. Had I been wrong all these years about him playing an instrument? I mean, he'd been the same sweet and kind Linc these past weeks while he was playing the guitar. So far so good, right?
Ellie traced the rim of her cup, a contemplative look on her face. "You know, I've read about how being involved in music raises a child's intelligence. It can also give them a focus they can use to stay out of trouble."
I swallowed down another burning gulp of rum. "I know. I've read all that shit myself."
Kennedy snorted. "Then what's the problem? Are you afraid of being wrong?"
"Maybe … or maybe I'm afraid Linc will be a small percent the jerk his sorry excuse for a father was."
Shaking her head, Kennedy said, "Maybe it's time to realize that Ryan is Ryan and Linc is Linc. I mean, if we were really ruled by our DNA, all three of us would be fucked based on what Mom did. Last time I checked, none of us were quitters like her. Sure, we've made our fair share of mistakes when it comes to men, but we've never abandoned our family."
Ellie nodded. "Ken's right. Thankfully, we've all carried on the wonderful traits Dad gave us. The same can be said for you and Linc."
"I want to believe that-I really do. I just worry what will happen to him when he becomes a teenager."
"He's going to be a little shit as a teenager regardless if he's playing the guitar or not. I mean, remember us as teenagers?" Kennedy said. After glancing at Ellie, she grinned. "Okay, so maybe it was just me and you, Rae. Maybe he'll take after Ellie and be an angelic teenager."
Ellie and I laughed. "I could live with that," I said.
"At the end of the day, Linc is a hell of a kid with a good heart. I can't imagine him being a truly terrible teenager," Kennedy said.
Tears stung my eyes. "God, I treated him so horribly this morning. When I think of how he looked at me when I told him he had to give up the guitar … " I shuddered. "He despises me now."
"There's nothing you did or said that Linc won't forgive you for. He loves you more than anyone or anything in the world." Kennedy winked at me. "Even the guitar."
I hiccupped a laugh as I ground the tears from my eyes. "I hope so.
"I know so," Kennedy said.
Ellie nodded. "Me too."
With a groan, I eyed the coffee mug-shaped clock on the wall. "Ugh. I need to get to work."
Shaking her head, Kennedy said, "I think you need to take a mental health day today. Take an hour or so to sober up and then go back to the school and talk to Linc."
"You're right. I'm not going to be any good today until I've made things right with him."
"And what about Gabe?" Ellie cautiously asked.
An agonized sigh escaped my lips. "I can't think about him today."
"Okay, whatever, Scarlett O'Hara. When will you think about him?" Kennedy inquired.
I rolled my eyes. "Of course I'll be thinking of him. I've already thought about him the whole way over here, especially as I sucked down that rum. I just can't deal with my feelings about him today."
Ellie placed her hand on my thigh. "If he calls you, will you at least agree to talk to him?"
Yeah, I don't think I'll hold my breath for him to call. That wasn't going to happen. Not after the way we'd shredded each other. I knew how he felt about me now. I'd seen it in his eyes. Heard it in his voice.
After all, a bastard musician like me was only ever going to be good enough to be in your bed and never fully in yours and your kid's lives, right?
"I doubt he'll call, Ellie. He wasn't sorry at all for his actions. He knew I asked him to be careful about getting invested in Linc and me, because I was terrified of how he'd hurt Linc when . . . if he left. He's made his pretty position clear on what he thinks of me, my parenting, and well . . . everything."
"But if he calls-"
"I can't, not now. I need some time to think."
"Just don't take too much time," she cautioned.
"I'll try." I rose off the couch. "Now if you'll excuse me, there's a pot of coffee with my name on it just waiting to sober me up."
* * *
Standing outside the school's cafeteria, I waited on Linc's class to come to lunch. My skin singed under the stares of the other parents who had come to eat with their kids while my ears burned with the whispers around me. There was no doubt that what had transpired between me and Gabe had made its way through the gossip mill.
Although I would have died a thousand deaths to save myself the humiliation of facing people at the school, I knew I had to make things right with Linc. While my heart ached with what had happened with Gabe, my soul was in agony at what I had said and done to Linc.
As Linc came down the hallway toward the lunchroom, his downcast face broke my heart. While his friends chattered around him, Linc didn't appear to hear them. He was locked in his own world of grief.
"Linc!" I called.
When his gaze connected with mine, pure panic flashed across his face. Since he looked like he might bolt at any moment, I rushed forward. His friends scattered, leaving him all alone.
Tears pooled in my eyes as I hurried toward him. By the time I reached him, I was crying so hard that his image was blurred before me. Although I knew I ran the risk of driving him away by embarrassing him, I still knelt in front of him. "Oh baby, I'm so, so sorry."
"Mom?"
Swiping the tears from my cheeks, I nodded. "I would give anything in the world if I could take back the things I said to you this morning." I placed my hands on his shoulders. "Worst of all, I'm sorry I embarrassed you in front of all those people. It was your big moment, and I selfishly ruined it for you. You've worked so hard and did so well, and I'm so, so sorry."
"It's okay."
I shook my head. "No, honey, it's not. It's never okay to yell at you in front of other people, not to mention what happened with me and Gabe."
"But Mom, I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry I went behind your back to have Jeremy teach me how to play, but most of all, I'm sorry I asked Gabe to give me a guitar."
Cupping his cheek, I said, "It's okay. I understand why you did what you did."
Linc's dark eyes widened. "You do?"
"Yes, I do. Not only that, maybe you playing the guitar is not so bad."
If I hadn't been so emotionally downtrodden, I might have found Linc's extreme expression of disbelief comical. I didn't know his mouth could open that wide. "Are you serious?" he demanded.
"Yes, I am."
"Why?"
"I had a little talk with Aunt Kennedy and Aunt Ellie."