Jackson’s Destiny(3)

“Let’s just take a ride,” Noah offered. “We’ll take the path Dad always led us on. Check on the gates, the fence. We’ll just ride, brother.”

His voice wavered when he mentioned our father, and I only shook my head as I looked out over the open land. The sun had begun to set, and the rays of light glistened off the lake in the distance, highlighting it.

“Then let’s just take a walk,” Ryan said.

“I can’t. I just need some time.” I tried to control my irritation, but I was nearing my breaking point. “I know you guys are trying to help, to offer support.” I turned to face my brothers. “But right now, I’m feeling like I’m gonna lose my shit, and when that happens, I just need to be alone.”

Tears were not an option, not now. That was something I needed solitude for.

Noah stepped forward, and I held up my hand. “You can’t fix this, Noah. You can’t give me your words of wisdom and make everything all right. It will never be all right, no matter what you say.”

“We all lost him, Jack,” Ryan said.

“Yeah, and each one of us will deal with it differently. This is me dealing. I need to be alone for a while. Just give me that,” I begged.

Ryan nodded as he placed his hand on Noah’s shoulder. I could see the battle in Noah’s eyes. He didn’t like the idea of leaving me, but Ryan tugged him back, giving him no choice.

“You call. I don’t give a shit what time. You need me, you need us, and you call.” Ryan stared at me until I nodded in agreement.

I turned on my heel and began to walk down the hill in the direction of my place.

Right now, drowning out the ache inside sounded real good. I had a bottle of Johnnie Walker that promised to make my troubles go way, even if it was only for a little while.



***



I woke to a loud, incessant pounding on my front door. Startled from my drunken stupor, I sat up quickly, spilling half a glass of whiskey over my lap. The pounding continued, and I looked down at the crotch of my jeans, which now looked as if I had pissed myself.

“What the fuck?” I mumbled before rubbing my tongue against the roof of my mouth. A nasty-as-hell taste lingered from my night of drinking. The knocking continued as I stumbled over the throw pillows on my couch and staggered across the room before I fell against the wall at the side of my front door. I groaned as I twisted the handle and yanked the door open, shielding my eyes from the sunlight that spilled in.

“What the hell?” I asked, backing up so the awning on my porch would cut out enough of the light for me to get a better view.

“Don’t ‘what the hell’ me,” Noah said, and I squinted as I looked back at my brothers standing on the front porch, looking back with concerned expressions. “We’ve been beating on your door for close to thirty minutes.”

Ryan brushed past me as he walked inside and wrinkled his nose in disgust. “This place smells like ass.”

“Shit, it smells worse than ass, what is that?” Noah asked as he leaned down and picked up an open can with the label hanging half the way off it. Syrupy contents dripped onto the hardwood floor. “Is this dog food?”

I took it from his grasp. “No, asshole, its corn-beef hash.” I twisted the can from side to side, second-guessing myself. I had no memory of even opening it, yet it looked familiar.

“You sure it ain’t dog food?” Noah asked.

I shook my head. “It ain’t dog food, dumbass. It’s hash. I just can’t remember eating it.” I turned back toward the couch and flopped down against the cushions.

Ryan scanned the room before his gaze settled on me. “You get so drunk that you pissed yourself too?”

I let my head fall against the couch and let out a huff. “It’s whiskey. You smartasses made me dump it on myself when you beat on my door.” I looked up just in time to catch the two of them look at one another like I was full of shit. “You don’t believe me, take a whiff.” I grabbed my crotch and smirked up at them.

I was definitely still drunk. Hell, the room was still spinning and they both looked like they were swaying back and forth.

“Ain’t smelling your dick, man, especially since I don’t know where it’s been,” Noah taunted.

He was always trying to get a rise out of me, and on any other day it would work. Today I just didn’t have it in me to care. So I ignored his dig and relaxed my head back against the cushions once more.

“So you ready to go tend to the horses?” Noah asked.

“We got a shipment of feed and the thoroughbred coming in later today. The stall needs to be hosed down and stocked before two,” Ryan reminded me.