Jace (River Pack Wolves 2)(38)

“I think I’ve already figured out that you like my breasts,” she said with a small smile.

It made him laugh and broke his heart at the same time. “You have no idea how much I like your breasts,” he said, his voice suddenly going husky again. His cock twitched… and that really wasn’t where this needed to go. “Maybe I’ll show you later. But first, there’s something you need to know about me: I can’t shift.”

The smile dropped from her face. “But I saw you…” Realization dawned on her face. “You said before that you choose not to shift. Why?” She was open and curious now. Unafraid.

For the moment.

“Because I can’t control my beast.” He said it quietly, but he could count the heartbeats between his words and her response.

A frown slowly drew down her face. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that, when I shift, I turn into a wild animal, not a man in wolf clothing.”

To her credit, she didn’t immediately pull away in horror. In fact, she just looked perplexed. “I’ve never heard of anything like that.”

“It’s pretty rare.” He cleared his throat. He was unusual in more ways than that. “In fact, I’m the only one I know with this… affliction. But it means that I can’t risk shifting, not when anyone else is around, at least.”

“But you’re still a wolf, right?” Her voice was light, like she was still trying to puzzle out what he was saying.

He should just come out and tell her all of it. “Yes and no. My wolf is… large. Massive really. Twice the size of any normal wolf. And crazy strong. Plus he’s always been… well, a bit on the wild side.” He smiled a little and squeezed her waist, teasing her about her name.

She shook her head. “Maybe you’re not as wild as you pretend.”

That dropped the humor from his face. “My wolf has always been hard to control. And that was before…” He sucked in a breath, then just forced the words out. “When I was deployed, I lost control of my wolf, and a lot of people died because of it.”

She was frowning again, but not pulling away. “What happened?”

He gritted his teeth, but there was no holding back now. “My troop was on patrol. Afghanistan. We were going to check on a remote village that had some reports of insurgent activity. When we were almost there, our Jeep must have hit an IED or something—all I remember was being thrown in the air and shifting on the way down. After that… it’s a blur. I can only remember bits and pieces. The burning village. The people…” His voice hitched, and he had to choke back the horror and guilt welling up. “Later, when I woke up in a hospital, they told me—everyone in the Jeep died. The entire village had been wiped out. They were either blown up by the IED or torn to pieces by some kind of wild animal.”

Her eyes went wide. “You think it was your wolf?”

“It was my wolf, Piper.” He sighed. He could still see his patrol’s faces, just before everything went to hell—Owen, Wyatt, Anthony. He was the only one who came back. He hadn’t been able to face their families either, just slunk off to join Jaxson and Jared at Riverwise. “I can’t remember it all, just snatches of what happened that come back to me in my dreams. My nightmares. But I was there—in the village—or rather, my wolf was. I can smell the burning flesh. I can see the fear in their eyes—” He had to stop and look away from her beautiful, concerned face. He couldn’t change what had happened, and he would forever regret losing control, but the only thing that mattered now was making damn sure it never happened again. He cleared his throat and looked back to her. “The tribunal investigating the incident ruled it technically as an “accident.” But they left the cause as “unknown attack by a wild animal.” They let me leave with an honorable discharge. But it’s a lie—I know it, and they know it.” He gently touched his fingertips to her cheek. “It means I can’t ever shift again. I can’t submit to my alpha, I can’t take a mate… I can’t ever be anything more than a man. And some days, I feel lucky to even have that chance.”

A roil of emotions churned across Piper’s face, and he half expected her to bolt. Instead, she moved slightly in his lap, her beautiful soft skin sliding against his, and gripped his cheeks with both of her small hands.

She gave him a fierce look. “You are a good man.”

He closed his eyes briefly. “Piper—”

“Shut up. I’m talking.”

His mouth hung open for a second, then he smirked. “Yes, Ma’am.”