Jason shook his head, easily seeing right through her. “Enough.”
Keanne, his sweet little doe, thought she was in love with him. It took him completely by surprise, and for once in his life he had no fucking plan to deal with it. He always had a plan, one to back up a plan that had failed in backing up another plan – the cycle went on, the planning did not stop, and that was how Jason liked his life because he never wanted to be trapped by the unseen again.
And yet, somehow, he had failed to have a plan for this.
Why?
How?
Jason’s silence started out as unnerving, but gradually Keanne realized that she was beginning to feel a little bit irritated. He was Jason Christakos. Was it too much of a surprise to find out that she had fallen in love with him? Everyone needed a little sun in their lives. It just so happened she wanted that sun to spend longer hours in her sky.
“Since when,” he asked slowly, “have you loved me?”
Keanne flushed at the question.
Jason whitened. “That long?”
She felt compelled to explain. “It was when…I called, and you didn’t come.” Keanne saw the incredulity in his gaze and she had to smile just a little. “Don’t you see?” she asked helplessly. “That day, you made me realize for myself that I can be strong on my own.”
Jason wanted to look away. Keanne’s gray eyes were too damn bright, like fucking stars that were shining for him. He didn’t want it, didn’t need it – didn’t fucking deserve it. He said roughly, “Keanne---”
She shook her head. “No.” Her voice was gentle and firm, and Jason couldn’t help but think she had gotten it from him. So many things he had strived to teach her, but apparently he had failed to teach her what was most important.
Even after everything, she was still committing the same mistake he did, falling for someone who wasn’t in love with her.
“You cannot love me.”
Jason’s sigh should have made her cry. It sounded so unhappy. But instead her irritation grew. She crossed her arms over her chest. “Why? Why can’t I love you?”
His answer was to haul her into his arms. She struggled of course, feeling like he was about to tell her something she wouldn’t want to hear.
And he did.
“Because I don’t love you like that.”
Jason didn’t flinch when he felt Keanne go still at his words, her eyes darting to him in hurt accusation.
For a second, it was as if the years melted away and they were back at the beginning. Keanne was fourteen again, and her eyes were asking him why. Why had he asked her to live for him if he was just going to kill her himself?
His voice hardened. “I didn’t raise you to be so weak.”
She whitened.
“You are doing the exact same thing I did, Keanne. Deep down inside me, I have always known Lilac could never love me, but I was stubborn. I beat my head against the wall until I started to bleed and yet – it didn’t make a difference. I still lost.”
Keanne could barely speak past the pain, but she did her best, needing to hear the words. “So what does that mean, Jason? Are you saying that you can never like someone like me---” She choked, her head bowing down.
She heard Jason cursing above her in Greek before he was crushing her to him. “Dio, Keanne.” She felt his lips brushing against her hair, and she worked harder to keep herself from crying. She was not weak, she thought fiercely. Loving Jason did not make her weak, and she had to make him see that.
“Why the hell would you say something like that? I would be the first to say that any man would be damn lucky to have you.” He paused, as if he was having a hard time figuring out how to put the words together, a rare occurrence for someone like Jason Christakos.
When he spoke again, his voice was gentler but no less firm, and Keanne knew with a sinking heart that he had made up his mind.
“I cannot be the man you love, Keanne, because I still love Lilac---” Jason expected her to subside at his words, to understand that her loss of hope of making him love her was no different from his loss of hope of making Lilac love him.
But instead, she started to struggle, startling him. She was trying to get away from him, and for some reason he didn’t want to let her go. “Keanne, will you stop---”
“It doesn’t matter if you love Lilac,” Keanne cried out.
“Of course it matters---”
“Not if we both know she’ll never be yours!”
The words stung, and he snapped, “That’s not the only problem.”
She let out a scornful laugh. “Now I know you are grasping at straws. Of course Lilac is the only problem---”
“Not if I only see you as a little sister!”