She turned red. “Was I that obvious?”
“Only to me, because I’m a girl. Men are a lot denser and insensitive.”
Keanne started tentatively, “I just need you to understand that I’m not expecting any answers. If you think it’s going to be like a betrayal to Jason, Nick, or Lilac---you don’t need to answer me.”
“I understand.” And, Jaike thought sadly, she probably understood this girl more than Jason did.
People like the Christakos twins – like Derek Christopoulos and the rest of their friends – people like them never understood how crippling insecurities could be. All of them had been BBFs – a term coined to describe their group and was short for boys with billionaire trust funds. As one of the much-envied BBFs, they would never truly have a taste of feeling constantly out of place and not knowing how they would fare when compared to other people.
Keanne asked painfully, “Did he really love her? You saw them together. And you’re in love. So you must know…was it truly love?”
Oh.
She had expected Keanne to ask if Lilac was more beautiful or if Lilac had truly loved Jason and not used him like many nosy people assumed. But she should have known better. Keanne was so young and yet her eyes were old. This girl knew how it was to be hurt, dreadfully, and because of that she knew how it was to love, truthfully, without holding anything back.
“I’m sorry, Keanne, but yes. He did---no! Don’t lose hope!” The words came out in a rush because she saw how Keanne had lost all color. “Listen to me, Keanne. You told me I should know, and I do. Because I love Derek. And he loves me. So please, please believe me when I tell you that Jason did not love her in the way Nick loves Lilac…the way I love Derek, or…or the way you love him. He didn’t love her the way I know he can love you.”
The words gave her hope again, but there was a part of Keanne that just wanted to let go. It was so hard, fighting for the right to love him day after day in the years they had known each other. Sometimes, she wondered whether she was just being stubborn when she should have just moved on.
“Sometimes, I’m scared. So much. That one day he’d wake up and tell me he’s tried his best but he just couldn’t love me.” Keanne bit her lip hard, trying to control her tears. “That would hurt so much. Because…because I never had to try to love him. I just do.”
“Oh Keanne.” She drew the younger girl in her arms and hugged her tightly. Jaike was not the most affectionate individual, but there was something about the sincerity in Keanne’s words that called out to her. Jason had never spoken about Keanne’s past, but she and the others knew by reading between the lines that Keanne’s childhood had been less than perfect.
She had been like that, too, and for such a long time the scars had turned her into an emotional coward. But Keanne…she was different. She was like…Derek, not letting anything keep him from fighting for the person he loved.
“Derek never gave up on me, you know. I was such a bitch to him from the start, but he never gave up on me and I’ll always be thankful for that. I don’t think we’d ever be together if not for him. I think…Jason’s more like me now, so if you really love him and I know you do…you have to find a way to hang on and keep loving him until he understands that you’re not going anywhere.”
Keanne felt like a burden had been taken off her shoulders, Jaike’s words giving her a more concrete reality to dream of. If Derek and Jaike had made it against all odds, surely…surely she and Jason could make it too?
“Thank you, Jaike,” she said, suddenly feeling shy.
Jaike grinned. “Now, now, don’t go shy on me. We girls have to stick together – especially when we’re still outnumbered.” A mischievous look in her eyes, she told the younger girl, “And just to cheer you up, I’m going to share with you one little tidbit so that you know what’s different between the Jason who’s with Lilac…and the Jason who’s with you.”
****
Jason tried not to look perturbed when he saw Jaike coming back from the ladies’ room – alone. “Did Keanne stay behind?”
Jaike appeared surprised at the question. “Oh, she’s not here yet? She bumped into a friend in the ladies room. I think some of her friends are here...maybe she stayed at their table for a while or something?”
Seeing the way his friend’s gaze became chilly, Derek asked, “Were they all girls?”
“I don’t think so?”
Jason got up without a word.
“You should have lied,” Derek scolded her gently when his friend left.