I realize I’m sobbing when Miah wraps his arms around me from behind and starts pulling me into his embrace, offering a comfort I can’t stand at this moment.
I shove him away because being touched right now physically hurts. Time is gone as I grab my head and sob, needing some sort of release for this pain attacking my insides.
I’m broken.
***
Paulette
I wake to the sounds of agony and a howling that sends shivers clear down my spine as the pain echoed there assaults my ears. My heart is racing as I recognize that husky timber and I’m running out of the room before I realize it, only to stop dead in my tracks when I see Miah and Jace standing to the side, crying silently while Jared crouches on the floor, rocking back and forth as horrible cries of pure pain burst free.
He’s pulling at his hair and making such terrible sounds that I feel my heart stutter as I look at his brothers imploringly. I finally catch Jace’s eyes and I see another tear track down his cheek before he nods at Jared with an imploring look.
“Help him.”
The plea reaches me and I stumble forward, not sure what I can possibly do but knowing that I need to touch him and hold him close. I just need to stop whatever is going on, and while I don’t know if my being here is a good idea, I push forward and fall to my knees in front of him, gripping his face between my hands to pull his gaze to mine.
“Jared?”
My voice is a croak as I look into his eyes and see such desolation, it breaks my heart. He’s not hearing me and it scares me half to death when I look again and see nothing, as if he’s gone, as if whatever he’s feeling is so much that he’s gone within himself and has no intentions of coming back.
“Jared?”
I say his name louder this time to no avail and feel my heart stutter at the thought of losing him to whatever has happened. I take a risk then, knowing that he probably won’t be too thrilled at my words, but needing to do something, anything right now to get him back.
“Sugar Bear? What’s wrong, baby?” I whisper, feeling my own cheeks wet with tears when he just keeps rocking and moaning as if in pain.
God! Please help me, I beg, slapping softly at his cheeks as my desperation starts mounting. Jace and Miah are terrified and still crying when I look over.
Fuck this.
I grab his face harder and lunge forward, knowing that if he comes back, he’ll likely push me away. I don’t care. I’d do anything, suffer any and all rejection to see his eyes clear and that insanity I see lurking there disappear.
My mouth hits his just as he goes to yell again and I kiss him for all I’m worth, not even caring that this is my first kiss and it’s all teeth and desperation.
I kiss him hard and furiously, getting lightheaded when the air runs out and my teeth start aching. I kiss him harder still, and almost cry my relief when I feel him jerk and groan.
My eyes dart up to his and my heart starts beating again when I see that he’s back, that the madness from before has left, and in its wake is so much sadness.
When I can’t take another second without drawing a breath I pull away, still cradling his face.
“Jared, I—”
He pulls me closer and buries his face in my neck before I can finish the apology, his big body surrounding mine completely as he trembles and tries to fuse us together, not a breath to separate us.
It feels so good just to be held this way that I find the courage to run a hand through his hair and pet at him softly, cooing sweetly to him as he pulls me closer and finally stops shaking.
“You okay, Sugar Bear?” I whisper, pulling away slightly to stroke at his stubbled jaw.
I feel so scared right now because I have never seen him this way. Jared is always strong and hard, the rock I’d build my home on any day of the week.
“Cupcake,” he breathes so soft and adoringly that I suck my lips in to stop a cry of happiness.
“Shh, it’s okay, baby. Whatever it is it will be okay,” I croon, hugging him closer when a hard shudder rips through him and into me.
“They hurt you so bad, Cupcake,” he gasps and I tense for a second before closing my eyes in dread. “How can you even stand to let me touch you when I failed you?”
He thinks he failed me? None of what he’s saying makes sense and I centre myself as he clutches me before pulling back and looking him square in the eye.
I’m terrified to ask, my heart is beating so hard that I feel my panic rise to new levels, but being a coward has only taken me to bad places, so I may as well suck it up and just go for it. I need to know what the hell had him so anguished.
“What are you talking about, Jared? You didn’t fail me. I failed you,” I whisper, swallowing roughly.