Jared helped me get through some of the worst shit imaginable, and while I do not suffer from PTSD, thanks to the training and psych evals, I went through a rough patch with survivor’s guilt.
Now, after many long nights spent talking and just baring my soul to him, Jared is the only one I trust to have my back. Not that Wyatt, Miah, or Roman aren’t my brothers or anything, but Jared, the mean asshole, is my go-to in times like these when I feel that darkness start creeping up out of the box I shoved it into.
“Jace, bro, do not do anything stupid, man. Just breathe with me and talk to me, alright?” he says slowly, almost making me smile despite that emotions coursing through me.
“I went in and…she’s here to see that bitch Ronny and talk about wedding stuff. She’s getting married.”
I keep saying the words but it still feels like this is some sort of sick joke or something, and that’s the worst part—I know it isn’t. I should be happy for her knowing that she moved on and didn’t hurt for too long after I dropped her, and yet all I feel is betrayal and the need to start ripping shit apart right now.
Doesn’t she know that she’s…
She can’t be mine, though, can she? I shouldn’t even be thinking that way because I no longer believe in that kind of love. Sure, I grew up with love and can even appreciate it in my brothers and my parents, but not for me. The things that I’ve seen were all about hate and the need to destroy.
Show a man enough of that filth and it makes you realize that the world is a sick place and that love is too fragile to trust. I know what love is; I just don’t want it clouding my judgement.
“Jace, stop grinding your teeth. I can hear it through the phone, dude. Okay, so…”
I hear the clicking of keys before he lets out a low whistle and a string of curses that would blister my ears if I weren’t such a hardened ass myself.
“Dude, this guy…” Jared breathes after a long pause and some more cursing.
“What, man? Tell me,” I bark, gripping the steering wheel so hard, my knuckles pop.
“Jace…this guy is squeaky fucking clean, man. He’s like the poster boy for the perfect son-in-law. Says here he’s fast-tracking his way into the political arena and has the support of Mayfield, himself. Harvard grad, a clean record, and shit, man, he even volunteers at shelters and runs marathons to raise money for charity.”
“There’s got to be something.”
I’m basically praying right now because it’ll be hard to justify killing an innocent man who helps the poor just to get him out of the picture. I’m okay with offing some dick who steals from the needy and uses his wealth to trample on others. I probably wouldn’t even blink at ridding the world of another crooked politician, but a good boy is so rare that I’d think twice about it.
Shit. Goddammit. I hate the guy already and all he’s done so far is have the balls to want to marry my girl.
“Jace.”
“Don’t. Don’t you say it, Jared,” I warn, closing my eyes against the onslaught of the pain I felt years ago.
“Jace, come on, bro, you have to let this go. Please. I was there when you decided that your career and the life you wanted was not one you could offer Trace. I was there when you used to sneak into her house late at night and watch her cry herself to sleep. I was there when you’d chase meaningless tail and then drink yourself to sleep after. I remember how long it took for you to finally let go, man, and I remember how hard that was for you.”
“Shut the hell up, Jared.”
“Nah, man, listen. I know that she was always the one, I fucking saw enough of your pain to know that she was it even when you set out to hurt her. She’s happy now, bro, so just—”
“What, Jared? Let her go? What happens if Ronny does something to her to get back at us? What if—”
“You’re grasping at straws here and you know it, Jace. Tracy has been pals with Veronica and Paulie for years. She’s perfectly safe and you know it. You’re just looking for excuses to justify taking her when you know it’s wrong. She’s engaged, man. Taken.”
“She’s mine!”
Do I know that going in and fucking up whatever she has with this guy is a bad idea? Yeah, I’m not an idiot, of course I know that I’m being a prick.
The thing is I do not care, not one little bit.
I’ve worked for years to keep thoughts of her out of my mind, out of this beating lump in my chest. Some days it was a struggle just to fly through DC without stopping over to see her again.
I know that I left her hanging, that I basically broke her young heart without a thought to how it would affect her life, but I also know that whoever she’s engaged to is some rich little asshole her daddy chose for her.