He nodded and wrapped her up tightly in his arms.
After snuggling with him for a few minutes, her hands wandered under his T-shirt. She ran her palms against the hard ridges on his back while pressing her body closer to his. He had the best physique, all steely muscle covered by soft skin. She wasn’t quite ready to trust him again, but God, she wanted to feel that connection they used to have when they made love. What would it hurt?
She nibbled on his neck, then made her way up to his earlobe and gave a gentle bite.
Josh let out a groan that rumbled against her chest, still plastered so tightly against his. Because she was sitting on his lap, she could feel how much he wanted her too. She’d just be clear on the ground rules so there wouldn’t be any misunderstandings . . . after.
She whispered, “I want you to take me to bed, Josh. But it doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you all the way. I just really miss being with you.” She had to keep up her defenses until she was sure about him again.
“You don’t mean that—”
“Yes, I do.” She hoped with all her soul she could do this. Just have casual sex, and not engage her heart any further.
“Meg, the timing’s not—”
She stood and pulled off her T-shirt. “Here? Or inside?”
She gave him points for his obvious struggle to keep his focus on her face and not her chest, barely covered by scanty pink scraps of material.
“Meg, don’t. You’ll hate me afterward for taking advantage of the situation.”
She unbuttoned her jean shorts and let them pool around her feet. “It’ll be no-strings-attached sex. Isn’t that what every man dreams of?” Why wasn’t he sweeping her off her feet and hauling her to bed like he used to do at the slightest provocation?
“Not with a woman who’s just had her life turned upside down.”
She slapped her hands on her hips, feeling rejected by him all over again.
Standing before him in her underwear, humiliated but pretending not to care, she said, “You don’t want to have sex with me? Your loss, pal. Maybe Toby will be interested.” She turned and retreated as fast as she could toward the house in her matching pink bra and panties, drowning in embarrassment.
“Dammit, Meg.” Josh’s footsteps followed behind her. When he caught up he said, “I want to make love to you, but not like this. I want it to mean something.”
She couldn’t let it mean anything, couldn’t let him in all the way so he could hurt her again. She just wanted to be close to him for a few minutes. Was that too much to ask?
When they reached the bedroom, she turned around and said, “What it’ll mean is that it’s been a helluva long time since I’ve had sex, so I’m overdue. That’s enough of a reason for me.” Wait. That hadn’t come out right.
She was just about to correct herself when his jaw clenched, and Meg suddenly realized the seriousness of her mistake.
Moving toe to toe with her, he towered over her and barked, “So I’m little more than a convenience for you? I have sex with you, then instead of leaving money on the nightstand, you just take it off my rent? No thanks!”
Anger flashed in his eyes.
Startled by the intensity of his outburst and feeling like a jerk, she whispered, “I’ve never seen you this mad, Josh.” She reached out to lay a hand on his arm, intending to soothe and apologize, but he jerked it away.
“Damn straight. You want Toby? Go for it!”
He turned and headed for the kitchen, grabbing his keys off the kitchen counter on his way out.
She followed behind. “I’m sorry, Josh. I shouldn’t have said that about Toby. I was upset. I didn’t mean it.”
He spun around and faced her. “You need to figure out what you want from me, Meg, because I won’t be THAT GUY you just use for sex!”
She hadn’t meant it like that; she had feelings for him. She wasn’t the type to just sleep with any convenient guy.
Before she could figure out what to say to make things right, he beeped the locks on his truck, got in, and tore out of her driveway.
And maybe out of her life. But this time it was she who’d pushed him away.
Way to go, Muck.
Not sure where he’d go, Josh started his truck and took off.
He’d been patient, hadn’t he? Making it clear he wanted more than just sex from her, but maybe Meg wasn’t ever going to wake up and realize how much he loved her. Maybe the woman wasn’t capable of forgiveness and trust. Look at the example her father, or whoever he was to her, had set for her.
As he hit the highway, he let out a long, slow breath. No. That wasn’t fair. What did he know about parents and setting examples? Hell, what did he know about relationships? Meg was the only woman he’d ever had a real one with, and he’d screwed that up good.