It Had to Be Him(23)
Meg smirked as she climbed onto a big rock. “The nearly killing you part was the highlight of my day.”
“I don’t doubt it.” He sat beside her. Just being close to Meg always made it easier to draw a full breath. God, he’d missed her.
But now it was showtime.
“I’m sorry I panicked at the thought of being a father. I want to make things right by you and Haley.” He hated that he had to say that to maintain his cover. He’d been overjoyed at the thought of being a father, and being a part of a family.
“We’ve managed just fine without you.” She drew her legs up, wrapped her arms around them, and laid her chin on top of her knees, in full protective mode. “Haley needs consistency and to know she’ll always be loved no matter what. I give her that. You made it clear you didn’t want us. You have no right to come back and disrupt our lives.”
“Haven’t you ever made a mistake you regret so much you can’t sleep at night until you make it right?”
“Yes.” Pain flashed in her eyes before she closed them. “You’re the mistake I regret almost every day. I hate how I got suckered into thinking you were a good man who loved me but just worked too much.”
He’d always been that man. “After we broke up, I realized I’d screwed up the best thing I’d ever had. So I quit my job and did some serious soul-searching. I decided to go back to the beginning to get it right. And now I’m hoping you’ll give me the chance to do the same with you and Haley. I want to be part of her life . . . and yours.”
Meg stared straight ahead, her teeth worrying her lower lip for a few moments before she said, “So I’m just supposed to forgive you? Like my feelings don’t matter? Forget it. But what does the going back to the beginning part mean?”
“I wanted something different, a job that would leave time for the people in my life. I’m going to go back to school to get my master’s in counseling. I want to work with troubled kids.”
Meg finally looked at him. “You gave up the job you loved? And all that money?”
“Yep. I’m going to sign up for classes in the fall.”
A glimmer of hope sparked in her eyes. “In Denver?”
“Wherever you and Haley are. I can do some of it online. I plan to be a real father to her, Meg.”
“You can’t just move here and expect me and Haley to forgive and forget, Josh. Go back to Denver with all your shiny shoes and leave us alone.” Megan unwrapped her arms and jumped off the rock. “Get in. It’s time to go.”
Dammit. He’d known it wouldn’t be easy to convince her to give him another chance, to regain her trust in him, but that hadn’t gone well at all.
He had to find another way.
Meg’s heart pounded as they strapped in and took off in silence. She could’ve flown out the safer way above, but the canyon was faster and she wanted him out of her life as quickly as possible.
It’d just be an added bonus if the flight path scared him again in the process.
She hated the pain she’d heard in his voice when he’d asked if she’d ever made a mistake she’d deeply regretted. She’d made more than her share of mistakes in the past, but she couldn’t let Josh threaten her hardened defenses against him. She needed to stay strong for Haley’s sake.
When she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, he sat there so perfectly calm it made her even angrier.
Once they were out of the canyon, he asked, “What would it take to prove to you I’ve changed, Meg?”
“It’s too late. I’ve seen your true colors. You aren’t capable of being the kind of man I need.”
“What kind of man is that?”
Years of pent-up anger made her voice rise three decibels. “A man who puts me and Haley before his work. A man who pays attention enough to know what my favorite color is and who wants to be home with me at night, not taking mysterious phone calls and then disappearing, citing some work emergency. And most of all, a man who I can trust to stick around when things get rough. I was sicker than a dog every morning, exhausted after work every night, and after Haley was born, I had no idea how to take care of a baby!”
The last thing her heart could take was having to see him every single day and be reminded of how he’d devastated her. He had to go.
With his thumb, Josh swiped away a tear she hadn’t realized had fallen on her cheek. “I’m sorry I let you down. But I paid more attention to you than you realize, Meg. I’ve done some deep reflecting and I’ve dealt with what was wrong with me, that I couldn’t commit to you.”