Isla and the Happily Ever After(87)
“You’d read about in a book.”
“Exactly. But being in this beautiful park with this beautiful boy talking about this alternate future in which I’m someone who learns how to camp and climb rocks and build fires and sleep below the stars…in that moment, it seemed possible.”
“So what? You’re gonna be a park ranger?”
I laugh. “I just want to try those things. They sound fun.”
“What about Josh?”
My eyes catch on his mural. On the brownstone with ivy window boxes and the American flag. “What about him?”
“He’s not a part of your plans any more?”
“Well…no. We broke up. And I don’t need him to do those things.”
“Yeah, duh,” Hattie says. “But that’s not what I meant. I meant don’t you still want to do those things with him?”
“Yes,” I whisper. “I still want to do everything with him.”
“Isla…why do you think that Josh didn’t love you?”
My voice grows even smaller. “Because I thought no one could love me.”
“And why did you think that?”
“Because I didn’t think I was worth loving.”
Hattie takes this in. And then she hits me in the stomach. I yowl in surprise, and she hits me again. “Don’t be stupid.”
“Ow.”
“Everyone is worthy of love. Even a dumb sister like you.”
I snort. “Yeah, thanks. I got that. I’m okay now.”
“Are you? Because you don’t act like a person who is okay. You mope around school, and you hardly ever leave your room, and you always look unhappy.”
“Says the sister with the permanent scowl.”
“You need to talk to him.”
I sigh and stare at my lap. “I know.”
“So why haven’t you?”
“Because now I do believe that he loved me. And I’m afraid that after all this time, after everything I’ve put him through…he doesn’t any more.”
“Ugh. So take a risk and find out. The sooner you ask him, the sooner you can get on with your life. Either way,” she adds.
Thanks to Josh, I am taking risks. I’ve learned that if I never leave those areas of my life that feel comfortable, I’ll never have a chance at a greater happiness. Accepting Dartmouth was a risk. Asking my sister to hang out with me was a risk. But the biggest risk of all is still Josh himself. I don’t yet have the courage to give him the opportunity to say no. It’s impossible, the not-knowing, but it’s better than getting the wrong answer.
There’s a muffled ring from inside my coat pocket. I pull out my phone to silence it, and then it drops from my hands and bounces against the concrete.
Josh.
It’s his actual name. I haven’t seen it on the screen of my phone since before Barcelona. My heart wrenches. “Is that him? How can that be him?”
“Whoa. He heard us.”
I pick up my phone. “What do I do?”
“One more ring until voicemail.” Hattie peers over my shoulder. “Tick-tock.”
I scramble to answer. “He— Hello?”
There’s a strange hiccup of silence. And then he speaks, and his voice – It’s him, it’s him, it’s him – is awash with strangled relief. “I didn’t know if you’d answer.”
“You got your phone back.”
“Yeah. Last week.”
I feel a stab of sadness that he didn’t call me immediately. And then a second stab, this one of guilt. I broke up with him. Of course he shouldn’t call me.
“It’s Sunday night,” he continues. “You aren’t at Pizza Pellino.”
“No, I’m at the Treehouse with Hattie.” And then I’m so dizzy that my vision goes black. “How…how did you know that I’m not there?”
But I’ve already anticipated his answer.
“Because I’m here.”
Chapter thirty
I’m trembling. Hattie’s ear is pressed against my head, listening in. Silver-white flakes catch in our tangle of red hair.
“Isla?” Josh says. “Isla, are you still there?”
“I’m here.”
“I was hoping you’d be here. At Pellino’s. My friends and I are on our way to the Olympics, so we stopped by for old times’ sake. I wanted to introduce you. I mean, I know you already know them. But I wanted you to know them.”
My head swims. “You want me to know your friends?”
“Is that too weird?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’d like to see you again. We could talk?” His question is tentative.
He’s caught me off guard. I’m not ready for this. I have to prepare for this. “How long will you be in town?”