Catching my breath, the laughter slowed down and I smiled at Logan. He was a massive part of my life that would no longer be a five-minute walk down the road and so the tears fell, and without fail he pulled me into him as I clutched his chest.
“Hey, listen to me… I know where the hole is now… Jen can attest to that.”
“Logan…” I scolded softly.
“I know, Charlie, we’re not gonna have these moments but you’re only a five-hour plane ride away. We can still call each other every day and you are gonna kick ass in college and make me proud. I know you can do this. You need to move on, I know you loved him but you need to face the facts that he chose his life and it was without you. You’re eighteen, Charlie, plenty more guys out there and now it’s your turn to break their hearts.”
“I can do this,” I chanted to myself. “You’re right, I’m eighteen. It was just my first love and I have so much to experience in college. I’ll forget about him…won’t I?” I asked, hoping for reassurance.
“Maybe…maybe not. But I’m certain that even though you may not forget about him, there will be someone else that’ll knock your socks off and know where your hole is.” He laughed.
“I love you, Logan, I couldn’t have asked for a better best friend.” I smiled.
“I love you, too, Charlie, always will.” He hugged me tight until the announcement came on for final boarding call. As I said my goodbye, I realized that it wouldn’t be forever; Logan would always be a part of my life as much as Alex was. With my headspace slightly clearer, it occurred to me that Alex really was my first love. The kind you read about in romance novels. Everything I felt was textbook, the grieving for the loss of what we had, and while I wouldn’t have wished for an ending like this, I was able to, for a moment, believe that I could put this behind me. All I had were memories, he was gone in the flesh – where to, I had no idea – and so I boarded the plane with a glimmer of hope that across the other side of the country I would find Charlie Mason again because I missed her. I missed the girl I used to be.
Chapter 10
Lex
I dropped her hand. With my head bowed, the words she whispered shattered every part of my existence. Was this another chapter in the nightmare that existed in my head? No, this was real and I was fucking living it. Barely able to stand, I walked out of the room with no sense of direction. I didn’t know where I was going. I had no idea how to get out of this hospital, how to get out of this nightmare and how to pretend she never existed. I had nothing to look forward to. I had nothing. The realization that the control of my life was taken away was the biggest burden I now carried. Outside in the cool night, the rain started to pour as I stood there unable to move, unable to decide the simplest thing: where did I go now? Maybe it was hours later, maybe it was minutes, but somehow I found the strength to lift my arm enough to hail a cab. The yellow cab with its bright lights pulled up and I climbed in.
“Where to, buddy?”
The question was simple, but I stared blankly at him. He asked again, this time with a lot less patience.
“JFK.”
The huge blackboard with all the flights listed was spread out before me. I stood there reading every line, memorizing the destinations, flight numbers and times. I don’t know how long it had been after I arrived that a large gentleman in a security uniform walked towards me.
“Sir¸ is there a reason why you’ve been standing here for over an hour?”
An hour, time was lost on me. The baby wasn’t mine.
“I’m sorry. I’ll leave now.”
I walked towards the counter to be greeted by an over-friendly lady.
“Can I help you, sir?”
The baby wasn’t mine.
“Where is your next plane going to?” I asked.
“Excuse me?”
“I want a ticket on your next flight to wherever it’s going,” I answered, defeated.
“Um, sir, that’s quite an unusual request.”
I saw her make eyes at the security guard. “Maybe, but the girl I have loved for over seven years tells me tonight she’s pregnant with someone else’s baby so perhaps you can understand my need to get the hell out of this city?”
Her face turned compassionate. I didn’t need a pity party. I needed to get out of here. “We have a flight leaving in an hour to Alaska, sir.”
“That’s fine, I’ll take that.”
“The last-minute fare on this ticket is $2,100.” She searched my face, waiting for me to tell her that it was a ridiculous price, like I gave a shit about money. I pulled my Amex out of my wallet and passed it to her. She took it, surprised by my lack of consideration for money wasted.