“Look, Lex, if I have to rearrange partners and stuff I can.”
“No Adriana, this is your wedding. Don’t change anything. We are adults. We can behave for a few hours.”
“Like six hours, Lex.”
“What! Your wedding goes on for six hours?”
“Well, eight if you include the ceremony.”
This is why I didn’t do weddings. I hated all this shit, it was just for show anyway. You don’t need to spend ridiculous amounts of money and invite hundreds of people to show how much you love each other. Fuck, eight hours of pretending to smile.
“Listen, I got a flight to catch. I better go.”
“To London?”
“Yeah. So look, I won’t see you till the wedding.”
“You’re not coming back to New York?”
“No, Adriana. Please don’t ask. Not now.” I headed out of the guest room to be greeted by a nervous Elijah. The guy looked like he was about to crap his pants. I wondered what his problem was. “I was just leaving, Elijah.”
“Listen, Lex…I um…well, there’s um…”
“What?” Frustrated, I pushed him aside.
She was here, in the living room.
“Sorry. I tried to warn you.”
I shot him back an annoyed look. He could have warned me if he wasn’t babbling on like a schoolgirl. She stood by the door, avoiding my eyes. She looked different. She was wearing these low cut jeans, a grey hoody that said Just Sweat and her converse. Her hair was tied back in a rough ponytail but it wasn’t her clothes that caught my attention, it was her face. It looked paler and even more tired than last night. There were dark circles around her eyes which looked swollen. She had been crying and I ached to just reach out and touch her, caress her face and take away the pain she was living, but I was the one that said it was over. I couldn’t go back on my words...could I? But she was my wife. To have and to hold till death do us part.
“Oh hey, Charlie. I thought you were coming after eight?” Adriana asked nervously.
She paused, staring down at the ground. “Sorry, Adriana, I have something on tonight. I hope you don’t mind, I just needed to do this fitting now.”
She had something on tonight after eight. Like a date? Or an all-night fucking session with Julian? My mind was going crazy. That guilt I had felt when I saw her eyes suddenly turned into rage and I knew I had to leave before I said something I would regret later. I kissed my sister goodbye and walked past Charlotte, not flinching for a moment. Closing the door behind me, I rushed for the closest cab, escaping as quickly as possible.
August 2005
I was lying in bed reading Time Magazine – the only thing keeping me sane these days. She walked into the room not saying a word. She removed her earrings, sorry, one earring. Why would she wear just one earring? She slid off her dress, her naked body reflected off the mirror. The bump was now evident which made me cringe every time I looked at it. Slipping her night gown on, she climbed into bed.
I was just about to ask her how her night out with the girls was when I smelled it: Brut.
I had my suspicions but what the fuck could I do? It wasn’t like I was innocent in all this. Hell, we only fucked once since we moved here and even then it was a fucking chore.
“Alex, we need to talk.” She looked down at her hands where I noticed the missing wedding ring.
“About the fact that you smell like Brut or that you are not wearing your wedding ring?”
She looked at me, her face turning from sad to bitter. “I don’t need a lecture. I fucked up, just like you did.”
I put the magazine down knowing all too well we would have this conversation again. No matter what I did she held my affair with Charlotte over my head. How the fuck were we supposed to raise a baby in this?
“Alex, the baby, it’s...” She broke down crying. It was rare to see her cry. Suddenly I felt guilty for treating her like shit.
“What’s wrong with the baby?”
“It’s not... It’s not yours,” she sobbed.
“What did you just say?” I was trying to control my temper but it was impossible, every thought swirling in my head. What the fuck did she say?
“It’s not your baby. I lied, I’m sorry! We didn’t make love that night. You were out drunk and I saw you. I saw you holding her. I saw the way you looked at her. I couldn’t handle it and, well Rodney was there.” She continued crying before reaching over to touch me.
“Don’t you dare touch me, Samantha! You fucking spiteful bitch! Do you know what I gave up for this baby? AND IT ISN’T EVEN MINE!” I could feel my body shaking, my fists clenched and without thinking I stood up and smashed my fist through the bathroom door, my hand throbbing in pain but the physical pain so much more bearable than the pain I felt in my chest, knowing I left Charlotte for this fucking bitch.