“Alex, sweetie.” My mother held out her arms as her face changed from delighted to worried. She knew not to mention anything about my appearance in front of everyone, something my father had no problem with.
“Well, Alex, it’s nice to see you taking care of yourself. I hope you plan to clean yourself up before returning to work on Monday?”
My father had arranged for me to be transferred to San Francisco General Hospital. What he didn’t know was that I was just about to pull the plug on my medical career. How could I help people when I couldn’t even help myself? His overbearing ways would soon stop if I could just muster up the courage. I needed to stand up to him; I needed to be a man.
“Emily, Andrew – please come out to the balcony. I have prepared some lunch, I know it was a long drive for you.” Samantha ushered my parents to the balcony, leaving me alone with my sister.
Adriana stood there by the window. She didn’t look any better than I did, except no beard of course.
“Adriana, please… Talk to me,” I begged.
Moments passed and not a word was said. Would it always be like this between us? I missed my annoying sister. I fucked it up royally for her. And despite her not so warm behavior towards me, all I wanted to ask about was Charlotte.
“What would you like me to say, Alex?” she huffed in return, folding her arms staring me down till I felt nothing but intimated even though I towered over her small frame.
“I don’t know, Adriana, that you understand.” I hesitated, knowing I was pushing my luck with her.
“Understand?” she shrieked and let out a ‘you’re fucking joking’ laugh.
“Okay, sorry, whatever.”
It was at this moment I realized how alone I was in this, how there was no one I could confide in who could remotely understand what we had. I stood up off the lounge to make my way to the kitchen, abandoning this conversation.
“She left,” Adriana mumbled.
“What?” I couldn’t have turned around fast enough.
“About a week ago. I don’t know where to.”
“What do you mean she left?”
“She left town. To go god-knows-where but I’m not surprised after the humiliation she must have felt.”
“How could you not know where?”
“Because, Alex, she and I no longer talk.”
“So you’ve spoken to her since I left?”
“Yes and no,” she said. “I ran into her the morning all hell broke loose in town. She confronted me and well, Alex, I was hurt. I said things I shouldn’t have. I had no idea this was going on and now I look back and it was so obvious, it was there right in front of my face and the only reason I didn’t notice was because I was too absorbed in my own love life.”
“What did you say to her?” I gritted.
“It doesn’t matter. She’s gone now.”
“Tell me what you said to her!”
“I just told her to stay away…and that…” Her hesitation made me anxious. I knew she said something that would have pushed Charlotte to the point of no return.
“You mustn’t have really loved her if you got Samantha pregnant,” she whispered.
“FUCKING HELL, ADRIANA!”
Placing my head in my hands I tried to ignore the pain that was spreading throughout me again. My poor Charlotte. How could I have been so fucking stupid?!
“Alex, I’m sorry. I was so upset.”
“No, I understand. It was never our intention to hurt you. She worried about you all the time, but we were so deep in this. I loved her. More than you can ever imagine.”
“And now, Alex?”
“Love like that doesn’t just disappear…” My voice faded.
Samantha walked into the room, interrupting our conversation. She must have known we were having a moment and she looked annoyed that Adriana wasn’t screaming at me. As I made my way onto the balcony, Adriana walked beside me, holding onto me. Before we stepped outside she hugged me tight, much to the bemusement of my father.
“Have faith, big brother. The right place and the right time, she will be yours again,” she whispered.
Chapter 5
Charlie
July 2005
“Charlie, look, I’ve had enough of this moping around and wasting your life away.”
I was sitting on the chair, facing the window. Watching the rain fall against the window pane, I stared crippled by the pain that had taken away my reason for living, my reason for breathing. Time was passing by. I didn’t know what day or month it was, I only knew that I needed to escape. The memories were everywhere I looked.
“I’ve spoken to Grandma Mason. She wants you to go stay with her.”