"I'm sorry," he whispers as he backs the truck out of whatever driveway he pulled into. I'm too angry to answer. Words boil inside my head and I swear there's probably a tea-kettle sound coming from my head, or maybe that's just my imagination. I can hear all kinds of sounds, but I'm pretty sure they're all coming just from me.
The ride back to my apartment takes forever and no time at all. I throw the door of the truck open and in my haste to get out, I fall to the pavement, tearing my knees and hands open. There is someone there to help me up, but I flinch away from his warm hands.
"Go the fuck away, Rhett. Just go away." I curl inwards onto myself. I'm not even sure what's happening. All I know is that there is a storm in my body and it doesn't have anywhere to go, so it's just tearing me up inside. I try to fight as strong arms lift me up and carry me into my house. He doesn't say anything as he sets me down on my couch and then goes to my bathroom and comes back with antiseptic, some tape, and some gauze.
I flinch away from him, but he just waits and then proceeds to clean my ripped-up knees and hands. I think the cleaning solution stings, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters.
Rhett patches me up without a word, throws away the stained gauze, and then brushes one finger across my cheek.
"I'm so sorry," he says and then he's out my door, closing it softly behind him. I slump over on the couch and let myself cry.
Rhett
I had no idea she would react like that. No idea. It's all my fault and I feel sick about it as I go home and sit in my empty apartment. Freya isn't here and I don't think she ever will be again. I've blown it on an epic scale. Completely and totally fucked up.
I knew I shouldn't have done it, but I thought . . . I thought it was what I'd want. That I was helping. God, I am so fucking terrible.
How did this happen?
I pace around my apartment, and it takes everything in me to not get in my truck and go to see her. She let me clean up her scrapes, but nothing other than that. I send a few texts and even call her, but nothing. I just want to make sure she's okay, but I don't think I can do that. So if I can't, there are other people who can.
"Hey," I say when Tobi picks up my call. I'm actually surprised.
"Hey," she says, a question in her voice as to why I'm calling her.
"Could you do me a favor?" I can almost see her rolling her eyes.
"That depends."
"It's not for me. It's for Freya." She sighs.
"What the fuck did you do?" I'm not going to tell her. I don't think I should since it would involve telling her Freya's secret and I'm not going to do that.
"It doesn't matter. I just need to make sure she's okay and I can't be the one to do that. Will you go over and check on her?" She sighs again.
"You fucker. I'm going to pummel you one of these days. And if you did anything to physically hurt her, I swear to God, Rhett." I know her threats are all coming from the right place, and I'd probably let her pummel me. I feel like I should just let her do it now. Might make me feel better.
Or not.
"I know, Tobi. I know. Believe me. I'm going to atone the fuck out of this, but for right now I just need to make sure she's safe. Okay? Can you put everything aside and just do this?"
"Of course I can, asshole." She hangs up, and I let out a shaky breath. I have no idea what Freya is going to tell Tobi about what I did and now I just have to sit here with my phone and wait for Tobi to text or call me and let me know if Freya is okay. I'm never going to forgive myself for this, and I'm definitely not going to get over it if anything happens to her because of me.
It wasn't that hard to find Freya's birth mother. Just a quick online search and there she was. I found her on Facebook and before I could second-guess myself, I sent her a message. She responded right away, and I could feel the sincerity in her message. She wanted very much to get in contact with Freya and asked me if I could bring that about. I told her that I would have to talk to Freya and get back to her.
Now I have a message waiting from her and I don't know what to say. I don't know how to tell her that I ruined everything. I pace my apartment and I'm so fired up that I need something to do with my hands so I don't lose my mind. Nothing better for hands than chopping a lot of vegetables, so I decide to make a stir fry. But I have to be careful with the knife so I don't cut myself. My worry about Freya has taken over my entire body and mind and it's making my hands shake. I put down the knife just as I get a text from Tobi.