Freya
I can't believe I told him. And honestly, it wasn't that bad. I think I just built it up in my head after so many years. Then it finally happened, and it wasn't terrible. It didn't hurt that he knew what I was talking about. Even if he has pictures of his parents and knows their names, he understands what it's like to long. To wonder. To have that uncertainty.
Would I have told him if he hadn't told me first? No idea. But I know that Rhett wouldn't be the person he is if he hadn't gone through what he went through. It's shaped who he is, just as my experiences have shaped me. Sometimes I think about that. What kind of person I'd be if my mother kept me. Or if another couple had adopted me.
Guess I'll never really know.
Rhett holds me for a while and then we put his family pictures away.
"Do you want to go to bed?" I know what he's thinking. Do I want to fuck? No. I don't. Not right now. But I do want to be skin to skin with him, so I peel my clothes off and he does the same and we crawl into his bed together.
I press myself to him, and he gathers me up in his arms. I realize that I breathe easier when he's holding me. The world doesn't seem so heavy with Rhett. I can smile easier. Cry easier too, apparently. Not sure if that's a good thing.
"Thank you. For everything," I say, walking my fingers up and down his chest.
"You're welcome, Luna," he says, his hand making circles on my back.
"Why do you call me that?" I ask. Guess it's a night for asking and answering questions.
"Because to me, you're the moon." Well, shit. That's fucking romantic. He's much better at it than I am. He always says the right things, and I always seem to say the wrong ones. Guess that makes us a good pair?
"Well, to me, you're safety," I say. That's good, right? That's a nice thing to say.
He doesn't say anything for a while so I look up to meet his eyes.
"That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me." I swear there are tears in his eyes. Or maybe it's just the weird glow from his bedside clock.
"Well, good," I say, looking away. But his hand reaches under my chin and pulls my face up for a kiss.
"Thank you for everything."
* * *
"You look . . . rested?" Tobi says the next morning as we meet to run on the treadmills. Rhett says he has to skip again today, and I don't ask questions. I'm raw this morning. Like I scraped myself clean last night and now I can't handle too much. I'm actually thinking of skipping classes all together and going home to sleep the entire day. It's almost the weekend, and I'm looking forward to just cheering and homework. Those things I can do.
Rhett is something else. I don't really know what to do about him. I also know that . . . I think . . .
"Thanks?" I say. "That's better than looking like shit, I guess." She rolls her eyes as we grab two treadmills and put our shows on.
"You know what I mean. You look like you had a week's vacation or something. I don't know. You look good, Freya. Take the damn compliment." She starts her warm up, and I have to hurry to catch up.
"No, really, thank you," I say, touching her arm.
"You're welcome. I'm guessing it has nothing to do with a certain bearded guy that you've been spending ample amounts of time with?" I want to put my earbuds in and not talk about Rhett, but Tobi's not going to let me off that easily.
"Maybe, maybe not," I say, starting my warm-up walk. She rolls her eyes.
"Maybe yes and maybe yes," she says. I stick my tongue out at her and she laughs.
"I might consider a relationship if I could guarantee it would go exactly the way I wanted it to, which is completely impossible, so I guess I'll just have to do without." She sighs dramatically.
"We're not having a relationship," I say. She gives me a look as if I'm lying.
"What? We're just . . . having sex and stuff." And bearing our souls, as of last night. There was no going back now.
"I don't know about you, but that's what most people call a relationship, babe." I make a face. I don't appreciate her calling it a relationship. I don't like the fact that Rhett looks at me as if he's in love with me. I don't enjoy the feeling that I may have fallen for him.
I nearly trip over my own feet and have to grab onto the treadmill to get myself steady again.
"Whoa, there. Don't break your face. Maybe I shouldn't talk about him anymore. You get unsteady on your feet." Haha, falling for Rhett. Literally. It's early, and I need to get some more sleep. I need to stay away from Rhett if I can too. He fucks with my head. And my body. Oh, does he.