Into Your Arms (Squad Stories #1)(71)

"Growing . . . growing up in the foster system?" I can barely get the words out. I hope he doesn't notice how shaky I am as I pick up a bowl of ice cream and the container of sprinkles.

"It was good and bad. I had good homes and bad homes. It wasn't a complete shit show, but it wasn't great either. And there were so many times when I thought I'd found a family to take me, but something or another happened and it didn't work out. That fucks a person up. I'll probably never know how messed up I am because of it." He laughs a little and shrugs as he sprays whipped cream on his ice cream. I'm shocked at how cavalier he's being about it, but he seems to be cavalier about a lot of things. Defense mechanism? Probably.

I know all about those.

"So you never got adopted?" I can't believe I'm talking about this. I have to keep adding stuff to my ice cream bowl so I have something to look at and something to do with my hands to distract myself from looking at him.

"No," he says and I look up. His smile falters for a second. "But I'm okay. I ended up having some nice teachers who helped me out, and I wouldn't be where I am without one encouraging me to go to college. I was set to just work bum jobs for the rest of my life, but then she told me that I could do more and helped me fill out forms and everything. She was amazing." I feel tears wanting to fall from my eyes, but I won't let them.



       
         
       
        

"That's really good, Rhett," I say, my voice thick.

"You can ask me anything you want, Freya. I'm an open book about it. I know I haven't been and I don't really talk about this with anyone, but if that's what it takes for you to trust me, then that's what I'll do." I shiver and not because the ice cream is cold.

He's serious. When I glance up, he's giving me one of those looks and it hits me in the chest and makes my toes want to curl but also makes me want to run at the same time. It's the kind of look that someone gives someone if they love them.

Rhett doesn't love me. He can't. But he's looking at me like . . .

My ice cream spoon clatters to the floor, so I hurry to grab it and run to the sink to wash it off.

"Well, you don't have to do that, Rhett. You don't have to tell me all your secrets."

"But what if I want to?" I don't know what to say to that.

We both lapse into silence as we eat our ice cream.

"You okay?" he asks.

"Yup," I say, picking up a cherry and popping it into my mouth.

"Okay," he says. "Just making sure."

I take a breath.

"I was adopted," I blurt out. I can't believe I've said the words to someone else. He puts down his bowl and waits, not moving.

"I was adopted," I say again. "I was adopted and my parents never told me. They never told me, and I didn't find out until last year, and now everything is all fucked up." Awesome, I'm crying again. My ice cream bowl clatters to the floor and then I'm swept up in Rhett's arms again. This time I don't fight it. I just let it out. There's a weird howling sound, and I think it's coming from me. I could not give a fuck.

"It's okay, it's okay. Just let it out," Rhett says, his voice rumbling through his chest as he pats my back and lets me go for it. I'm really a complete wreck with this guy. It's a good thing I don't want to have a relationship with him. I've definitely blown that with all of the emotions and all of the breakdowns and everything else.

I sob on Rhett's chest and he just lets me. He lets me and holds me, and I don't know what to do anymore.





15


Rhett

There it is. She finally let it out. Of course, as part of the catharsis, she ends up breaking down again, but I expected that. Letting out secrets that you've been keeping so long is emotional. She couldn't see how much I was freaking out when I told her because it was all internal. I almost felt like I was going to throw up, but I kept a (hopefully convincing) smile on my face. 

After she cries it out, I get her some tissues and then she washes her face.

"I'm really bad about breaking down in front of you, apparently. You bring out emotions in me. I don't like it," she says, but she's laughing a little.

"I'm sorry?"

She shakes her head. "No worries. I'm just a fucking wreck." She's not, and I wish she wouldn't think that way, but I can only say it so many times. Freya needs to believe it herself.

"So, I'm guessing you have questions," she says, sighing.

"Only if you feel like giving me answers," I say. I hate that I already know a little of what she's going to tell me, but I don't think I should say anything. If she tells me, then what's the difference? I can't handle the idea of her not trusting me since she just told me something so huge.