Rhett's face appears in my line of vision and he grins.
"Can we talk now?"
"About. What?" I say. Words are hard.
"About why you're using sex to avoid talking to me about whatever is bothering you and made you show up at my work today." I squint at him.
"What?"
"Why don't you tell me what's bothering you. We are friends, aren't we? That's part of this whole deal?" I look away from his face. Really? He wants to do this now?
"Dude, you are killing my afterglow." I slowly sit up and grab his shirt so at least I'll sort of be covered.
He puts his boxers on and sits next to me. The air smells like sex.
"Sorry about that," he says as he adjusts himself. He hasn't even gotten off yet in this round. I should probably feel bad about that, but I'm too busy being annoyed that he's killing my current coping mechanism.
I sigh, lean my head back on the couch, and rest my feet on the coffee table.
"I don't want to talk about it," I mumble.
"Clearly. But if you do, I'm here." He puts his hand on my knee and I want to glare at it or shake it off, but he gives me a little squeeze and I can't. Rhett is a really great guy and sometimes (a lot of times) I take it for granted. And also treat him like crap. I must be seriously good at blow jobs for him to put up with me.
"Thanks," I say quietly. For a moment, I imagine opening my mouth and telling him everything. Telling him about being adopted and how I didn't know until I was nineteen and found the records. How my parents never really cared for me and how I'm here to find my birth mother. And how nothing will stop me from doing that. Not even a hot, tattooed guy who makes my stomach flutter every time I look at him.
I think about it, but there is no way in hell I'm doing it. When you're so used to keeping secrets, learning how to not keep them is a monumental task. Definitely not there yet. Not with him. Maybe not ever.
"Do you want to go fuck now?" he asks and I turn my head to find him smiling. It's that smile that I only see when it's the two of us together. The secret smile only I get to see that nearly stops my heart.
"Yeah," I say, holding my arms out for him to carry me to bed.
Rhett
She's avoiding and I wish I could say no to sex and convince her to get everything off her chest, but she's slammed the door shut on me and anyone who would try to get through. I don't want to make her put up more walls by trying too hard. Then I'd lose all the ground I've already gained with her. I want her to trust me. You can't force trust. Even if the girl is being beautiful and stubborn and infuriating. It's on her, now.
Actually, she's on me now, and she's so fucking beautiful I can't believe that she's even here with me. I don't think I truly appreciated her when we first met. I saw her gorgeousness, but there's so much more to her than that. It's in the way she moves and how she laughs and the way she helps her friends. It's just . . . her. The packaging is hot as fuck, but I'm falling for what's inside . . .
Nope. Shut that shit down, Rhett. Shut it down right now. You can't fall in love with her because that's not how this works. And she'll know. She'll see it and at the first sign she's going to fucking bolt like a startled deer.
Looks like I'm going to have to put up some walls of my own.
* * *
"You should probably go," she says for the third time. We're in bed next to each other. She never lets me hold her after sex, but our sides are touching and I can feel the heat from her skin. Her fingers are just barely brushing the back of my knuckles. I'm not even sure she knows that she's doing it. I keep my hand rigid so any sudden movement doesn't scare her off.
"I should," I say, turning onto my side so I can see her better.
"Yup, you should," she says, biting her bottom lip. I might be reading too much into things, but I think she doesn't want me to leave.
"I don't have to, you know," I say in a low voice.
"But that's how this works," she says, throwing my earlier words back at me.
"Maybe we could bend the rules for one night? Just one night." I fully intend to try and bend the rules for all the nights, but if I can just get one, I think she'll start softening. Plus, it's annoying to have to leave a warm and comfortable bed full of a beautiful girl and go home to an empty one in the middle of the night.
She looks into my eyes and I stay perfectly still. No sudden movements. She blinks once.
"Okay." I resist the urge to pump my fist in the air. I do not resist the smile that covers my face.
She narrows her eyes and shoves me a little.