I don't give a shit what my parents think, as long as they don't try to have her arrested, which wouldn't surprise me at all. It also wouldn't shock me if they moved and didn't give me their new address. Just disappear and pretend they never had a daughter at all.
I would say that it hurts, but I think I'm so used to it, so numb that I don't care. They've never cared, so why should I?
After I get off the phone with Melissa, I have another breakdown, so I go to the bathroom, fill the bathtub, and grab the bath bomb I've been saving for a bad day. This is a bad day.
The last of my tears drop into the water and mix with everything as I lie back and close my eyes. My mind is so frenetic that I can't soak for too long. I can't be still.
So I get out of the tub and wrap myself in a towel. I need to talk to someone, but I have no one. I'm sure Mia already knows what's going on because her mom called her, but I just . . . I can't talk to someone from Texas.
That leaves Tobi or Carrie or Willow or one of the other cheer girls, and I can't talk to them without telling them everything. That leaves one person, and there is no fucking way that I'm spilling my guts to Rhett Miller.
Guess I'm shit out of luck. So I just pace my apartment and eat a pint of ice cream and then hate myself and then go to bed and spend the rest of the night watching movies.
Rhett
She's determined not to call what we're doing a relationship, but I'm not sure what else it is. We don't go out a whole lot, which means I get to see her naked a whole lot and that's pretty damn great on its own. I still want more, but I can wait.
If I thought Freya was gorgeous with clothes on, it's nothing compared to seeing her without them. So many inches of clear skin, crisscrossed with veins that almost give her a slightly blue tint in certain areas.
And when she comes? She just completely lets go and it's incredible. My new goal in life is to make that happen as many times as I can. She appears to like what I'm doing so far, which is good. And her bedroom skills are off the charts. Holy shit. I swear, she liquefies my spine every time.
I know that I'm falling harder and harder for her, but there's seriously nothing I can do about it. Can't undo it once it's started. And I was doomed the second I saw her in the bar.
Jem thinks the whole thing is hilarious. He figured out what was happening when I sort of went MIA and had a dopey smile on my face all the time. Granted, I wasn't hiding it all that well anyway.
"So you're having a no-strings relationship with a girl you're totally in love with?" I tell him that I'm not in love with her. Yet. But if I let myself go? I would be there in a heartbeat.
"It's on her terms. I don't care. Any way I can have her, I'll take it. She's that important." Sure, getting kicked out of her bed or having her leave mine is complete shit, but I don't see a way around it at this point. I've tried to get her to stay, and I'm not going to force her to do anything she doesn't want to. I want her to want to stay. And she doesn't right now, so that's that.
Jem shakes his head slowly.
"I don't know. It sounds like a shitty arrangement. For you. I'd take it for me, but I'm an asshole." He grins and I roll my eyes. Jem doesn't really like to keep the same bed partner for more than a few times. By the time he graduates, he'll probably make it through half the female population of MSU.
"It's working," I growl because I'm tired of trying to justify myself to him. I wish he'd mind his own damn business. I don't criticize his activities, even though I think he's doing it to avoid any sort of romantic connection that might tie him down or trap him. But that's his to deal with. Not mine. Someday he'll figure it out. I hope. Maybe not. Maybe he'll be in his 80s and hitting on all the women in the nursing home and taking a different one to his Posturepedic bed every night.
"Sorry, sorry," he says with a smirk. "Seems like I touched a little bit of a nerve there." I can't put up with his bullshit right now. We're at my place since Freya has a big test this week and said she didn't need any distractions. I'm missing her, but I get it.
I haven't seen Jem in a while, mostly because Freya has taken up the time I would normally spend with him. I do miss him, even though he can be a pain in my ass. He's my friend and he has my back no matter what. In addition to bailing me out financially, he's picked my ass up when I've been drunk and brought me home, and helped me get a good deal on my truck. I wouldn't be where I am without him. He can be an ass, but he's my friend.
"Can you just not be a dick about this? Please?" I ask. I hate the whine in my voice, but I seriously need him to cut me some slack right now.