By the end of the week, I talked her into going to dinner with me. I took her to a desolate mountaintop park I used to visit when I was younger. Her hair blew in the wind, and her right hand gripped the seat as I whipped my pickup around the steep edges of the road. I reached over, running a hand up the back of her neck into her hair. She glanced over at me with nervous eyes.
"Can you pay attention to the road?"
I smiled at her but returned my hand to the wheel. When we pulled up to the small, secluded area, she jumped out and walked up to the guardrail and gazed at the city lights below.
Making sure to park so we'd face the view, I set up a blanket and laid out the dinner I'd picked up in the bed of the pickup. I helped her up, and suspicion flickered in her glance.
"So you have a romantic side?" She narrowed her eyes.
"I have a lot of sides and crooked edges, Dr. Shaw."
She lifted an eyebrow and smiled. "I'm sure you do."
We ate mostly in silence, and when we were done, we leaned back-her back against my chest, my arms around her waist. It was the most peaceful moment I had in over ten years.
"Why haven't you returned to California? Not that I'm saying I want you to leave, but … "
"So you want me to stay?"
"Never mind."
I let her off the hook and answered her question.
"I haven't really accepted any scripts or produced anything in almost two years. I had my stint in rehab and I needed time off."
"Was the drinking because of your insomnia?"
"Partly. It wasn't as severe as it is here, but yeah, it would take the edge off and allow me to forget."
"Forget what?"
I shook my head. Mostly at myself because I couldn't figure out why I couldn't just lay it all out there. She didn't push, which was a relief.
"Did you grow up here?" she asked.
"Yeah. I went to the local high school and everything."
"So did I."
"I'm sure I was way before your time."
"Yeah, you were probably five years ahead of me."
"How old are you?"
"Twenty-seven."
"And already in your own practice? Impressive."
"Well, when you have no one to fall back on, you dedicate yourself to being able to survive. So I doubled up on coursework, and I was actually taking some college courses while I was still in high school. I was in medical school by the time I was twenty-one."
I whistled and she giggled shyly. I think it was the first time I'd heard that sound from her. She sounded carefree and so unreserved, totally opposite from the bottled-up woman she usually was. Maybe I ought to loosen her up with wine more often.
"That's pretty amazing."
"Well, I had Ellie as a motivation."
"Who's Ellie?"
"She's like my sister or daughter, depending on how you look at it. We were placed in the same foster home, and I took care of her."
"Didn't you have any family to take you in?"
She shook her head. "No. My grandparents were all dead, and I had an aunt, but she had too much going on to take care of me."
"How old were you?"
"Fifteen."
"I'm sorry you were left alone. That had to be hard."
She shifted around, looked at me, and shrugged, a slight sadness in her gaze. The stark contrast of her red hair against her piercing blue eyes got to me every time. I swallowed back whatever it was she made me feel. If I could, I'd purge myself of it. She reached out and ran her fingers over my eyebrow, down my face, and over my jaw.
Her heavy-lidded gaze fell on my lips as she leaned in. Her lips were soft and pliant, her tongue gliding against mine aggressively. I moaned. I couldn't fucking wait to get her tongue wrapped around my cock. If kissing her was any indication of what she could do with her mouth, I'd be shooting off down her throat in record time. She broke the kiss and gave me the same expression she always did. Shock and amazement with a huge side of turned the fuck on.
"Xander?" she asked quietly.
"Yeah?" I brushed my fingers through her silky hair.
"What are we doing?"
"I have no fucking idea what's happening here," I admitted before I dove back in, devouring her mouth with the intensity that matched the fire burning between us. If she hadn't pulled away, I would've fucked her right there in the back of my truck, under the moon, with the city lights as a backdrop. But I hadn't come there for that. I was trying to do something with her that didn't involve sex. It went against every fucking thing I believed in, but I was building a relationship.
So I pulled a blanket over us and we spent the next two hours talking about everything except that day. She didn't seem to hold anything back, and I was convinced she was exactly the person I thought she was.
Who He Is
Avery
In the two weeks since I'd shown up at Xander's door, we'd become inseparable. No matter how many times I woke up in the morning and said I would take an off day from him, I'd end up in his bed.
He opened up to a certain extent. He told me what it was like growing up as the mayor's son. How much he really missed his dad, and that he was close to his brother until he left town. He talked about his mom like she was the world to him, and he spent most of his days with her. He told me about moving to California and how it took him four years to get a part in a small movie, and from there everything took off for him. He even talked to me about rehab and dealing with the press.
Xander opened up about everything in his life. Everything except what kept him up at night. I'd spent mostly every night at his place for two weeks, and half the time he woke up in a cold sweat. The other half he didn't sleep at all. I was suspicious that whatever gave him this insomnia was the same thing that chased him away years ago, because that was the only thing he didn't speak about, and I didn't press him. Yet. Besides, I was sure I'd figured out who he was.
There was a knock at my door, and Matt peeped his head into my office. "Do you have a minute?"
"Sure. I'm done for the day."
He walked in, shut the door, then took the seat across from me. "So you've been scarce around here lately."
"No, I haven't. I've been here for all my appointments." I knew it was a playful dig at me being with Xander, so I brushed it off.
"How are things with the movie star?" He wiggled his eyebrows, and I smiled at him.
"Not as bad as I expected."
"I'm sure you were expecting doom and gloom."
"More like heartache and destruction."
He narrowed his eyes. "Is your heart involved already?"
I shrugged. The last thing I wanted to do was admit there were some feelings developing between Xander and me.
"I was all about you getting laid, but if your heart's involved … be careful."
"What? Are you sure you're a therapist? I'm starting to have my doubts. Let me see your certification."
"What? I told you to get laid, loosen up. Not fall in love."
"Matt, that's the equivalent of leaving a two-year-old with a set of knives and telling them to play with it but don't get cut."
"So you are falling for him."
I rolled my eyes.
"If any woman could have emotionless sex, I thought it would be you."
"Why?"
"We were together for two years. The sex was great, but emotionally you weren't there."
"So you thought I was incapable."
"Not incapable. I just thought it would take a lot more than a few nights of sex to get your heart pumping."
"Well, it's not pumping yet. Let's just say it's flickering."
"Whatever. I didn't come here to talk about your sex life."
"Then why did you come?"
"I saw Ellie last night."
"Okay … She's a big girl, Matt."
"Yeah, but she was acting all weird, then asked me not to tell you."
"And here you are breaking her confidence in you."
"I've known her since she was like fourteen. If I see her with a group of drunken chicks, downtown at two in the morning, I'm going to talk to you about it."
"She was drunk?"
"She seemed sober … but her friends … I don't know. You know how crazy some college girls get."
"I wouldn't know."
"That's right. You only went to like one kegger when we were in college. And you didn't even drink."
"I was focused."
"You were uptight. Still are."
"If you're done analyzing me, I have a date."
"Oh … well, don't let me keep you." He rose and waited until I gathered my things before he walked me out of the office and to my car. Xander was waiting for me at his place, and I had to stop off at home to change first.