Inked in the Steel City Series(86)

“Tomorrow night, if you’re sure.”

She nodded. “Thank you. And … how much?”

He did laugh then – he couldn’t help it. “I’m not charging you anything.”

“I don’t expect you to do it for free. I’ll pay whatever you’d charge any other client.”

He shook his head. “No way. It’ll be a gift.”

Maybe she sensed his resolve, because she nodded, thanking him again.

And then, with the preliminary sketch lying on the table before him, there was nothing to do but address what had been eating away at him for over a week. “Karen, did your trip change how you view your career – do you plan to go back to New York?”

She raised her gaze from the sketch, blinking. “I’m sure I’ll return at some point.”

“I mean, do you plan to move there to pursue your photography?”

Her eyes widened, but she shook her head. “No, why?”

“I’m no photographer, but I know New York is where all that stuff happens with fashion. I figured if models go there to try to make it big, photographers must too, right? After getting a break with a famous designer there, I thought you might decide to stick around for any other opportunities that might bring.”

“New York definitely supplies the lifeblood of the country’s fashion industry. And Miranda, the photographer I spent yesterday with, did offer to rent me partial use of her studio if I move to the city.”

He nodded, resignation stiffening the bones and muscles in his neck, making the motion difficult. What she was saying made sense – why was it so hard to accept, especially when he’d been expecting it? “Pittsburgh is so small compared to New York. When you told me you won that contest, I figured…”

His voice faded, betraying him as he remembered her legs wrapped around his waist, her nails digging into his back. Maybe he could still see her even if she moved to New York.

Hell, no, that was just wishful thinking. The drive was a good seven hours, not even counting city traffic. Way too long to work, way too much to ask. And Pittsburgh, where he’d built Hot Ink from the ground up, was his home, for good. The idea of a long-distance relationship was ridiculous, and a sinking part of him knew it.

“You thought I’d want to stay in New York?” She arched a brow. “Then this will sound crazy, but… Jed, I don’t want to be a fashion photographer. I realized that when I was shooting for Marc St. Pierre.”

“You don’t want to be a fashion photographer?” The words felt alien on the tip of his tongue, false. Was his disappointment so obvious that she was lying to him, denying her dream to try to spare his feelings? The thought made his head ache as a wave of faint nausea washed over him.

“I know what you must be thinking. I almost feel bad saying it, after being granted such an awesome opportunity. I enjoyed the shoot and I’ll be showing the catalog off every chance I get when it comes out this winter, but I’m just not interested in pursuing fashion photography as a career. I want to focus on other areas.”

“Other areas?” He looked around at the many black and whites hanging on her apartment walls, his gaze lingering on the beautiful photographs of his work. Her tattoo portraits were amazing, and they may have given her the boost she needed to go full-time with her photography, but tattoo photography alone couldn’t sustain a career. Surely she realized that.

“Shooting for Marc St. Pierre was fun, but it’s just so different than what I really love shooting – people, their stories, their tattoos, the important moments in their lives… I love taking photos that people will cherish or admire for the rest of their lives, not advertisements that will be thrown out after a few weeks. Does that make any sense?”

He nodded, slowly. “Still, couldn’t you continue to take the sort of photos you love most on the side, in addition to fashion photography?” He was no expert, but advertisements sounded a hell of a lot more lucrative than portrait and personal photography.

“I guess. I mean, that’s basically what I’m doing now – I’ve done commercial shoots for quite a few businesses here in Pittsburgh. But if I relocated to New York to pursue fashion photography… I think it would be sink or swim, you know?

“It’s a hard business to make it in, and a hard city to afford. Miranda’s studio is state of the art, but I’d have to work my butt off to have a chance at being able to afford the rent, not to mention my living expenses. And frankly, I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to struggle for a chance to make it in an industry my heart isn’t really in. I like what I have here – I want to continue to grow my business in Pittsburgh, and spend as much time as possible on the projects that are meaningful to me.”