I smile, not wanting to make it any harder on either of us. “Infinity.”
“Infinity,” she repeats as her fingers brush over her necklace.
Then, Carter, Aiden, and I stand like the pathetic fucks we are watching The Tank, filled with our loved ones, drive through the security gates while Miguel follows them. Another man who is taking care of my family.
Chapter Fourteen
Charlie
Wake up.
Quick run, while Miguel and I ponder the meaning of life.
Brad feeds Ainsley while I take a shower.
Get Ainsley clean from breakfast.
Get Ainsley dressed.
Get me dressed.
Drop Ainsley off at my mom’s house for Amy to watch her.
Have the most fun that I’ve had practicing medicine.
Brainstorm ideas with Brad on how we can bring in new patients to the practice.
Talk shop with the physical therapists about our patients. See their progress.
Fight insurance companies.
Put out mini-fires in the office amongst the staff.
Pick up Ainsley from my mom’s house.
Feed Ainsley, Brad, and myself.
Bathe Ainsley.
Put Ainsley to bed.
Collapse on the couch with Brad, and drink wine until my heart rate returns to normal.
Give Colin thirty minutes of my night.
Crawl into bed.
Repeat again tomorrow.
And the next day.
And the day after that.
But much more enthused about practicing medicine.
Chapter Fifteen
Colin
Since Thanksgiving, Charlie and I have Skyped or Facetimed every night without fail. It’s my favorite time of the day, and I plan around it like the pathetic fuck that I am. I’ve rearranged film-watching with my coaches, I’ve canceled dinner meetings, I’ve blown off sponsors’ events, and I’ve ignored Jenny’s repeated requests to try and entertain me.
Hearing the trill of the Skype request has turned my dick into Pavlov’s dog. It instantly gets hard knowing that we’re going to see Charlie. So far, we haven’t had sex over Skype. She’s suggested it more than once, but I’m not sure I can handle watching her come on a dick that isn’t mine when I can’t touch her.
I get it. She’s explained it to me. She’ll be pretending that it’s me, but I know that it’s not, obviously, and as of right now I just don’t think that I can handle it.
Charlie and Ainsley haven’t been home since Thanksgiving, a month ago, and it’s killing me. It’s no one’s fault. My football schedule has taken me away from Dallas every weekend. It sucks. I haven’t gotten used to my empty, quiet, lonely house. Thank God for Pancho. I can’t imagine what a miserable bastard I’d be if I didn’t at least have him.
Every time I talk to Charlie, I see the gleam in her eye she gets when she’s talking about the practice. I know in my heart that it’s what she wants to do. I’m just at a loss with what my next move is. Am I a complete dick and demand that she moves home? I don’t want her unhappy. Then there’s the nagging voice in the back of my head that reminds me that she chose medicine over me once before. My ex-wife politely reminded me of that fact when I told her I wanted a divorce.
She put her career first and dumped me like yesterday’s news. If I push her, will she choose being a doctor again over me? Can I survive her leaving me twice in one lifetime? Fuck. I don’t think so. But can I survive not having my daughter with me, not watching her grow up? Absolutely fucking not.
I can’t dwell on these thoughts too much. If I do, I’ll lose my shit, which won’t do anyone any good. One day at time… One day at a time…
And now, it’s slap-a-fake-smile-on-my-face show-time…
“Hello lovely ladies,” I greet my precious baby, who’s in red-and-white striped Christmas jammies, and her gorgeous mother, who has on a baggy sweatshirt and yoga pants. She’s still so hot that my dick twitches.
We talk about the normal stuff. How our days were. Anything interesting that might have happened. We ignore the media reports that I’ve contacted a divorce attorney, and Charlie is pregnant with Brad’s baby. You know, the normal things that every couple deals with.
Then, I ask the absolute wrong question. “What fun did Miss Ainsley have today?” Simple, obvious, easy question, right? Wrong!
Charlie’s cheeks begin to glow, and she’s almost bouncing she’s so excited. She turns to Ainsley and says, “Want to tell Daddy who you met today?”
Ainsley smiles and reaches for the computer screen. I reach back, longing to feel her chubby fingers around mine instead of the flat, cold, monitor glass. I can tell that they’re in Charlie’s kitchen, and I spot Brad in the background, doing something on the stove.