I nod my head. I understand where she’s coming from. It was hard as hell to walk away from my practice in Houston and join Colin in Dallas. It was worth it, though. I certainly don’t regret the decision, but if anyone understands the balancing act between relationships and careers, it’s me.
“Well, Rach…” I start.
She sits up board-straight, and her body coils tightly with tension. “Stop it. This is why I haven’t discussed this with you,” she cuts me off. “Just because you and Colin have gotten your happily-ever-after doesn’t mean that Aiden and I will have ours. I’m not judging, but your career plays second fiddle to Colin’s. I’m not willing to sidetrack everything that I’ve worked so tirelessly to achieve for Aiden. Call me selfish. Call me a bitch. Call me whatever you want, but I’ve worked too damn hard and spent too much time shoveling shit to give it up for any man.”
She pours us each another shot without looking at me. Alcohol has never been so desperately needed than after that diatribe. She hands me my glass, finally meeting my eyes. I can read hurt, sadness, resolve, and determination in them. We clink glasses, and down the amber courage.
The alcohol lights fire to my throat like Rachael’s words should to my soul, but I know that they’re true. Yes. I’m still a surgeon, but I wouldn’t be working at a charity hospital if it weren’t for Colin. I’d be, probably at this point, seeing elite athletes as my patients. That was the goal that I was working toward before I chose the path less traveled, labeled Colin Fucking McKinney.
Rachael continues. “I’m happy for you and Colin. I know that your year anniversary is coming up. I’m assuming that in the next year or so you’ll get pregnant. I’m happy that you’re happy, but that’s not the life that I want for myself, and I can’t make Aiden understand that.”
I skip over the “having a baby” comment. “Have you told Aiden all of this?” I ask, feeling the burn of the tequila in my stomach, and grabbing a chip to help soothe it.
“Caroline, I’ve come right out and said, ‘I just want to fuck you and that’s it.’ He doesn’t listen to me. He thinks that he can convince me to change my mind.” I’ve known Rachael for most of my life. There’s no changing her mind once she knows what she wants. “He even had the audacity to tell me that he thinks that it’s because he’s black.”
She takes off her oversized Chanel sunglasses and rolls her eyes. Her white-blonde hair falls over her shoulder, and her light-blue eyes cloud over in anger. “I almost lost my damn mind on him. It was just further proof that he doesn’t listen. I’m not sure how putting my career first equates to the shade of his skin.”
I laugh, so relieved that she brought it up. “Do you think that you’ll ever want a relationship that’s more than just sexual?” I ask as I finger the edge of the hotel-issued towel.
She slips her sunglasses over her eyes. Rach has absolutely no breasts, so her over-padded bikini top gapes open as she lies back down. I teased her earlier that we could use her top to store our sunscreen and room keys. Fortunately, she takes her size in stride. Her hair stays to the side in a fan-like shape framing her snow-white skin. “I don’t know. Maybe one day. Maybe not. He just keeps pushing me, so I told him that I can’t see him anymore. I didn’t know that by not agreeing to marry him that I was also losing a friend. I meant that we shouldn’t have sex anymore, not that we shouldn’t talk on the phone.”
My stomach drops for poor Aiden. He’s such a good friend to Colin and me. I hate that Rachael ended it with him. “He needs to move on. Aiden needs a good girl. Someone who can accept the love that he so freely gives. That isn’t me, and I can’t keep feeling like I’m a bad guy for not wanting what he keeps trying to give me.”
I roll over on my side, and see the pained look on my best friend’s face. She’s hurting also. “I’m really sorry, Rach. I’m sorry that you can’t make it work. Hopefully, in time, you guys will find what you’re looking for, and maybe become friends again.”
We drink another round of tequila shots, toasting to our friendship. I settle back in my sun-lounger and pull out my e-reader. I’ve been engrossed in a great book our whole trip. I have about two chapters left, and am looking forward to the ending. When I’ve read the same page five times, I realize that I’ve had too much to drink.
I put my e-reader back in my beach bag, and look at my friend. She’s passed out, with a dribble of drool collected on the side of her mouth. I shake my head and laugh. She’s something else. I can’t help myself. I grab my phone and snap a picture. Who knows? I might need blackmail material one day.