"And now?" Isaac asked, his voice low, not sure of what Dad was driving at. To be honest, neither was I.
"Technically they're called miscegenation laws," Dad said, "aimed at criminalizing marriage between races. A felony offense, pretty serious. They are common all through the South." Dad turned then, and looked right at us, the ghost of a smile on his face. "But not in D.C."
There was a cloud over my vision. My family came to my attention hazy, like they weren't quite made of anything solid. It felt odd, this sensation of my body being so weak, so wrung out, my limbs like lead and all around me, in this strange place there were voices buzzing all around me that I couldn't quite make out. Not really. I knew that in the corner, my parents were huddled together, my mother crying, sniffling as the doctor said things I couldn't understand. Blood loss? Weak constitution? He couldn't be talking about me. Ryan was there too. His face was drawn and his skin pale, but he was at my side, forcing a smile, as he looked down at me.
"Sis?" His voice was so soft and I thought it was funny somehow, my loud, obnoxious brother sounding small, awed.
Then, there came the smallest squeak of a sound and that cloudy haze drifted, left my breasts aching as that cry grew louder. A baby. My baby. I wanted to reach out for it, but I was too tired, my arms too heavy.
"Shh, hush now." That deep, rich voice felt like warm water over my cold skin and I leaned toward it, loving the sweet cadence of Isaac's voice. "Hush now, Winston."
I remembered that name. It was a like a song in the back of my mind, something that was sweet and gentle, something I wanted to keep inside me, right next to my heart. And just like that, it came back to me like a wave, rushing forward, that I had a husband I loved and a baby, a son that was the most perfect creature I've ever seen.
"Riley?" Isaac's voice was deep, but soft, not a whisper but a brush against my subconscious. "See our son? You see what a beautiful baby we made?"
His voice cracked just then and behind me, in that fog I heard my mother's cries and the low call of my father soothing her. But my gaze was hungry for the baby, for the perfect shape of his round face and the smooth contours of his skin. Winston. Winston. My son.
"Riley?"
"I see," I told Isaac, leaning toward his voice and the smell of baby powder and clean, sweet soap. "I see." Even though I didn't. Even though I'd never wanted anything more. That fog grew thicker then, so thick I couldn't breathe. So thick there was nothing I could do but let it swallow me whole.
Nash
Breath and fire all mingled, shuttered and sparked like electricity in my chest. I couldn't get air into my lungs, I couldn't fight hard enough, grip tight enough to make her stay. No, she had to stay. There was a baby. Our baby. There was a life to lead. Our life. We were together and then … apart.
"No. No!"
The scent of baby powder clogged in my sinuses and I still felt the soft, heavy weight of a baby in my arms. I came awake, cradling nothing to my chest, my face wet, my breath uneven, a gasp that rent through with a sob. Tears I cried for my woman. Tears that came for someone I didn't know. Had I ever known her?
Eyes tight, I saw all those faces. They looked familiar, like an echo of memory, something I knew was mine, but couldn't get a grip on. My room was dark, but the light outside was bright, cracked through the blackout curtains around my windows. It was morning and I was alone. The sheets draped around my hips were wet and my chest felt damp. It had been a dream and like the others, it had felt so real. It had felt like it belonged to me.
Isaac loved Riley. I knew that. Felt it deep inside me. He'd loved her when she cried in the library with her lips busted and bloody. He loved each tear as they came and it was only her mouth, her touch that had kept him from finding that Trent asshole and ripping him to pieces. It was only Riley's sweet words and sweeter taste that kept him from risking his own neck to be with her. No matter that Lenny warned him. No matter that the world was set against them. Isaac had loved Riley with a fierceness that made him made it impossible to do more but keep on loving her. That scared him, that made him brave.
But she had given him a son. He'd had a link to the world, a name and place and moment that would keep her with him always. Riley had given him a reason to get out of bed each morning. She'd given him a family.
I sat up straighter, elbows on my legs, hands on the back of my head, trying to steady my heartbeat. It raged quick and desperate. The dream was dimming, but the emotions, the feelings Isaac felt, swam inside me like she had been mine, like I had lost her.