Infinite Us(41)

"This Duncan cat, you've mentioned him a few times and seems to me, every time you have, it's to say something about how he wants to make money."

It was the truth, but that had more to do with Duncan and what he always wanted to talk about than me projecting when I complained to my old tutor. "Well, that's kind of his job, I guess. After all, money makes the world go round, man."

"No." Roan pulled all expression from his face and the deep wrinkles around his mouth and eyes hardened just then. "Greedy men, sad men, that's what they think. Money don't rule the world, Nash. At least, not a world worth living in anyway."

The air was cooler than it had been the day before and I tugged up my collar as Roan pulled out another pair of gloves, these leather, not fit for messing with dirty birds or the mess they made. "I guess you got a point." I hated the sound of my own voice, how the missing sleep had turned it to gravel, how the dreams and Willow had distracted me so that I couldn't focus, couldn't relax.

My mind buzzed and simpered. It felt woolen and sharp with so much chaos, so many things twirling in my conscience thought, it was hard to quiet it enough to rest. And even when I did, my attention got split between the life of the girl who was so familiar, so comfortable and the echoes of images I didn't recognize at all. Something with libraries. And the scent of sandalwood... and a hint of bleach.

Whatever I felt must have been written on my face. Roan stop messing with his gloves and tilted his head, sizing me up like he thought I might be sick. "Boy, what is wrong with you? You look dog tired." 

"I am." That confession came out with a sigh and I closed my eyes, stretching my neck and shoulders. When I looked back at Roan, he was smiling. Never a good sign. "What?"

"It's a woman." He nodded, that stupid, smug smile taking over his whole face. "Don't I know it. Man, just looking at you I can see that much."

"You're wrong, man. I got no time for females." But even as I denied it, Roan's laughter got loud, loud enough that the pigeons stopped their cooing.

"The hell you talking about? Everyone has time for women and if they don't, then they damn well should find the time."

I shook my head, not bothering to watch him laugh like a fool at my expense. Roan had never had a wife as far as I knew, though the secretaries in the Science Department sure liked to flirt with him. But that was Roan. He'd been a college professor, a scientist his entire adult life. He had no idea what it was like to build something that could go global.

"In case you forgot, I'm trying to build a company … get funding so I can leave Brooklyn and move on up."

"Okay, Mr. Jefferson," his laughter still showed up in his tone. It was the first time I'd seen him look so pleased with my worries. "Whatever you say, but just remember, money won't keep you warm at night and it won't give you a family."

"I got a family."

"A sister you see once maybe twice a year?"

"And you, old man."

"Ha!" He leaned back, hand over his stomach as though the idea of him being my family was ridiculous. "Then you are in a world of trouble. I'd be a piss poor family member, Nash. You know that."

But what I'd had of family hadn't been much better. A father who got drunk and destroyed our lives; aunts and uncles who took care of us because they got a check from the state to do it. I hadn't seen much in the way of families at all, but what I had, hadn't impressed me much. "No worse than what I had."

With a sigh, Roan dropped the teasing smile. He'd never asked for any details on what had gone down between my parents, but I'd told him anyway. I'd probably told him more about my life than anyone else.

He bent forward, elbows on his knees and I swore I could make out what he'd say before he opened his mouth. Roan was wise. He'd lived a life I'd probably never understand and every second of it showed up on his face, in the haunted touch that made his eyes shine. "You can't keep reliving the past, son. You've got to let that go."

"Easier to say, old man."

"It's simple." He sat up, not smiling, not doing much more than giving me a cool glance that told me he wouldn't argue with me. "If you want a life, a real good life, you gotta earn it."

"The hell do you think I'm trying to do?"

"Taking over the world with money isn't what I mean. Money, hell that comes and goes. You make it, you lose it, but at the end of the day, when you're old and ornery it's not money or the things it buys you that will make you happy. It's the people who are at your side, the ones that are because they are yours and you are theirs. That's real, Nash. That's the realest you'll ever hear from me." He paused, moving his jaw a little as he watched me and it seemed to me it was Roan's looks, the things he didn't have to say that kept me silent. It was his expression and what it told me that kept me quiet. "Your woman, what's her name?"