My smile was watery. Why was it so damn difficult to look at him? I shut my eyes. ‘Please just go.’
And he did.
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
THE BLOOD MOON
When they had all left, I let the memories engulf me. This time I didn’t push them away. The tears had come, and with them, some release. I showered and got dressed. Feeling stifled by the piercing silence, the constant feeling of loneliness inside me, I grabbed a hoodie and let myself out into the garden. I sat on the grass and pushed my thoughts outwards, beyond myself. The blood moon hung low above me, red ripples making grooves inside it. Patches of grey blotted the exterior, curving away into rivers of crimson. I lay back, burying my hands behind my head. My mother’s flowers dusted the air with sweetness, banishing the acrid memories of ash and dust.
Thoughts of the fire, of Jack, of rent and guardians and futures balanced on the edge of a knife, melted away. Memories of flames and smoke filtered into the balmy night air and the essence of my mother settled around me, gently this time, like a blanket laid across the earth. I looked up, past my house and the sadness in its walls. I was so tired, every muscle spent from being wound so tight. I had to plan, I knew that, but my thoughts were bleeding into the darkness around me. There was only the moon and the soft whispering of a warm breeze. And in the quiet comfort of the great big world and the beauty looking down on me I drifted asleep.
When I woke the sun was high in the sky. The backs of my arms were imprinted with grass blades and my hair had dried in crimped waves behind my head. My phone was buzzing. ‘Unknown’ flashed on the screen as I swiped my finger across it.
My voice was groggy with the dregs of sleep. ‘Hello?’
‘Sophie?’
I almost crushed the phone inside my fist. ‘Jack?’
‘I need to talk to you.’
‘Are you kidding?’ I sat poker-straight on the grass, blinking my surroundings into focus as my head threatened to explode. ‘The police are looking for you,’ I said, my voice turning thick and watery. ‘Mom is dead, did you know that, you selfish son of a bitch?’
Jack’s tone was businesslike. ‘It was an accident,’ he said briskly. ‘You know I didn’t want that to happen. The situation got away from us.’
I clutched my stomach, fighting the urge to vomit. ‘You let it happen. You’re a murderer.’
His reply was woven inside one long sigh. ‘You’re grieving, I understand, but there’ll be time for that later. I need you to meet me somewhere.’
He was wired to the moon and floating out of reality if he was dumb enough to think I would ever want anything to do with him again. ‘Are you crazy? Have you actually lost your mind?’
‘Donata wants me to bring you in now. Important things are at play. We’re Marinos, Sophie, don’t forget. And Marinos stick together.’
He had lost his mind.
‘How could you leave it so long to call me? How could you run like that? How could you do that to her?’ Why was I bothering? There was nothing he could say, no words to take back what he did.
‘I’ve been trying to get through to you all week.’ Jack was drawling and I realized he was probably high or drunk, or both. ‘There’s been too much heat in Cedar Hill, but it’s dying down. Listen,’ he said. ‘I’m your guardian. I’ve spoken to Donata; I’ve talked her around. You were scared that night, you didn’t know what you were doing, you’re just a kid still. We have a job for you. We’ll take care of you – you’ll have money and protection. And we need you, too. A young girl who no one would suspect, just like Sara was. You’re going to be our secret weap—’
‘Don’t you dare come near me,’ I cut in. ‘You’re poison, Jack.’ I choked on the rest of my sentence. How desperately I wanted to put my hands around his throat and watch him suffer. I thought of Nic’s promise to me, and something flared inside me. I wanted to make Jack pay.
‘We’ll talk about this,’ he said. ‘You don’t have to be by yourself any more.’
‘That’s how you made it!’ I hissed. My nails were digging grooves in my palm. I was shaking, every part of me livid with hatred so deep I thought I might be sick.
His voice rose. ‘I’m sorry about your mom. I was sure the fire would finish the Falcones but I miscalculated. I made a mistake, Sophie. There’s still time to make it right. Trust me, I’m trying to protect you. I want to make sure you’re safe. The future can’t be avoided. If you’re not with us, you’re against us, and Donata won’t stand for anything less than your full compliance. Not after your hesitance in the diner. Don’t make it harder than it has to be.’