Infamous Desire(14)

It gives the impression of being more serious than the festive Moldavia.

Tatiana says, “In recent decades, we have lost out to Switzerland in banking and finance. The recent collapse of the European economy has also not been kind to us, and we are far more affected than Moldavia.”

I see. Alex did warn me that his purported engagement to Tatiana was a political ploy.

It’s strange to be discussing the reasons for this proposed marriage so rationally and calmly, when inside, I know I should be fighting tooth and nail to keep my boyfriend.#p#分页标题#e#

“It’s clear that Nuernberg will benefit from having stronger ties to Moldavia, but how would Moldavia benefit?” I say.

My fingers are squeezing the fabric of my dress.

“The two city-states complement one another. We have the established private banks, which would do Moldavia well to have a firmer grasp on. We have the security companies. We are not going to be the poorer nation forever, and the King is a long-sighted man who sees this. My father is a Duke, and Nuernberg has always been a duchy. I am his only daughter. I would do whatever he asks of me.”

“So is it more of duty than love that compels you to marry Alex?”

“It started off that way when we were children. But along the way, we became lovers and friends. To answer your question, I do love Alex.” Tatiana’s eyes blaze. “I love him enough to put up with all his indiscretions. Make no mistake – what you have with him is nothing more than a notch in his longstanding rebellion against his father. Honestly, he has not grown up emotionally from his teenage years.”

I wince.

I want so much to believe that it isn’t true, that what Alex and I have is different and real. But I can’t help feeling that there is a kernel of truth in what she is telling me.

Her expression grows sadder.

“Believe me. I have seen them come and go. I have endured them. Every affair is a sledgehammer to my chest, every pap photo a needle in my heart. But I will always stay by his side, like a partner who must love and support him despite his faults.”

I remain silent.

“Would you have done the same for him?” she asks.

I don’t know. I have endured ridicule and scorn. I’ve had my name globally dragged through the mud. But Alex has never cheated on me, nor do I expect him to.

If he does, will I forgive him?

It is not a possibility I’m ready to contemplate. Alex is my first real serious relationship. I have no reference, no yardstick of measurement.

I find my tongue. “You claim to love Alex, but does he love you? So far, I have only heard one-sided declarations. He has never professed to me that he loves you.”

She laughs. It’s a short, painful laugh.

“Please … men will say anything to a woman they currently love. He will make you feel that you are the one and only. But it doesn’t last. Not for him. Trust me, he has done that to me as well, and I also believed him then, with stars in my eyes. I am older now, and wiser.”

She opens her purse and rifles in it. She takes out a greeting card – yellowed at the edges.

“If you don’t believe me, read this for yourself.”

I take it. It’s a Valentine Day’s card. Embossed, grand, with gold trimmings and a heart-shaped decoration in front of it. Inside is Alex’s handwriting. The ink is yellowed with age, but the sentences are still unmistakable.

‘To Tatiana Natasha,

My one and only true love.

Alex.’

Each written word is a hammer to my heart. I’ve wanted to believe so much that I am the only woman Alex has ever said those words to, but it clearly isn’t the case.

“So you see,” Tatiana says, “he doesn’t lie, but he doesn’t tell you the whole truth either.”

“When was this?” I demand. I didn’t mean it to come out brusque, but my hurt spools over and manifests itself in my voice.

“Why should that matter?”

“It does matter. People evolve when they grow older. People do have exes.”

“Exactly. You too may become an ex. It has happened to me … in cycles. Again and again.”

She takes the Valentine card and carefully puts it back in her purse. I can tell by the way she handles it that she truly treasures it.

She loves Alex. She really, really does.

Tatiana says, “Which brings us to my next topic. I think we are clear here that I would like you to leave Alex for the sake of my country and his. Pedigree-wise, I am far better than you can ever hope to be. I’m sorry to have to lay it out so brutally, but it’s the truth and I think you appreciate honesty. I bring sophistication, money, titles and breeding into a marriage. His family loves me, and I will be a very fitting bride to his empire.