Inevitable(3)

Leaning against the door of the room, he smiled at me as if he thought what I said was actually funny, when really I was just trying to be an asshole.

“You don’t need a medical degree to know you should be lying in bed. Resting. Cooling off. Staying hidden.” In one whole sentence, he named four things I would rather not be doing.

“No…” I hissed out as a burning sensation flowed through my leg. “I would rather not just lay here while Bree is out there and that ass fucking hole has her. I would rather do anything, but sit here and hope and pray for something good to come from all of this.” I sneered.

“Hoping and praying won’t do shit in this situation, but going into something without a plan won’t help either. Do you want to put yourself in line for death again?” I kept my eyes trained on the floor as I attempted to stand for the first time in weeks. My body was worn and tired, but at the same time, it was begging for a release of energy. To get up and move around. Nothing Jared was saying was going to stop me from doing what needed to be done.

My foot hit the floor, and although there wasn’t any weight on it yet, I was slightly hesitant to stand. It hurt like a bitch lying down, so I’m sure it would be no better standing. It didn’t matter though; I had to start somewhere. Putting most of my weight on my arms, I pushed myself up slowly attempting to push the majority of my weight onto my good side. Once I was ready, I shifted weight to the other side, ever so slowly.

“I swear to fucking god, you have a death wish, Zerro. A death fucking wish,” Jared muttered under his breath angrily.

“No death wish, Jared…” I hissed out between clenched teeth as a burning sensation radiated up my leg. It hurt, but not as bad as I thought it would. “I have a need for revenge. A burning, all-consuming rage to have revenge on Mack; to get Bree back. Sitting here in this fucking bed, not getting better, not moving, and allowing myself to think about it more, just adds unneeded fuel to the fire.”

In my rant to Jared, I didn’t even realize I had come to stand on both feet while holding the side of the bed. Releasing a deep breath, I let go of the sheets and stood by myself. I looked up at Jared and watched him walk over to me—waiting for me to fall to the ground I was certain. I wasn’t used to feeling weak, to needing someone. If anything, the need for help just made me angrier. I wasn’t coping with the shit that went down. I was simply waiting it out until the moment I could sink my knife into Mack’s flesh.

“Bree needs you, Zerro. She needs you to come and save her wherever the fuck she is, but she also needs you to be strong and healthy because, without those things, you’re useless to her. If you go barreling in there without a plan, without fully being healed, you become a liability.”

Fuck. Running a hand through my hair and down my face, I allowed a sigh of release. As much as I fucking didn’t want to admit it, which was a lot, Jared was right. He was right, and I’d be damned if it didn’t make it fucking worse.

“You’re right… but Bree… she needs me…” I was struggling with my next words because I still wasn’t sure about where Bree and I stood. Her father had killed my mother. I had almost killed her. Fuck. All I knew for certain, even after everything that had happened, was that I loved her, and when I found her, I would release her of the debt and give her the freedom she deserved. I would protect her for the rest of her life, even if it killed me to protect her from myself.

I was so lost in my own shit storm, I hadn’t realized Jared had placed his hand on my shoulder. I turned my head glaring at his hand. I knew it was just a gesture of reassurance, but nothing would assure me she was okay—at least not until I had her in my arms.

“I know you love her. There isn’t any reason for you to have to say it out loud. Just know if you don’t get yourself healthy, you will be useless to her and to me.”

My eyes left his hand and went to his face. He was looking at me as a friend. Talking to me as a friend. I knew why—because we were friends. Always had been, but I didn’t trust people for a reason. Trusting Mack got me into this situation. What if trusting Jared pushed me into my own grave?

“You know nothing about love or my love for her. I will get better and I will find her. I will kill Mack and her father. Then I will move on with my life, never thinking back to this very moment,” I growled, so angry with myself and with Jared. It’s an irrational thought because Jared has done nothing wrong.

I caught a glimpse of a smile crossing his face and had I not been in the condition I was in, I would’ve wiped the floor with his face. It didn’t matter what all he had done for me. He was to respect me, treat me as I was.