Inevitable(22)

Were there even words to describe how I was feeling? Zerro had killed John—someone I considered to be my father, but had he deserved it all along? Had he truthfully beat my mother, had he hurt the person I loved most and then used me for revenge?

The whiskey warmed me all over again, as my insides burned like fire. “This is so fucked up,” I whispered into the air. Sitting the whiskey back down on the table, I looked over at both of them.

“How did you find this all out?” I questioned.

Jared smirked, and I knew it was going to be an interesting conversation. “Well, asshole over here couldn’t handle losing you. He needed something to hold onto. I went to my father to do a little digging and he told me. Turns out, on your mother’s dead bed, she let our father know. She told him everything.”

I stared deeply into Zerro’s eyes. In them, I could see the flames of fire flicking back and forth. He had come for me. He had wanted to save me. He may have been a man of death who held pain and heartache, but he knew love. After all, his vengeance was fueled by his love for his mother.

I took a deep breath trying to digest all of it. It felt like one of those huge pills you had to take when you were sick. The bigger the pill the harder it was to swallow.

“Let me get this straight, John and James are brothers. My mom married John, cheated on him with James because John was abusive. She then ended up pregnant with me, but only managed to stay with John because he said he would take me away. John’s anger stemmed from his brother working for Zerro’s family who had killed numerous colleagues of his who had tried to bring them down. My mom never told James until she was dying. John took my mom’s death as a perfect chance to get revenge and made a deal with the new King of the family knowing if his life were on the line, I would step in?” My mind was reeling. I was angry, mad, sad, abused, and used. I felt not only my life had been a complete lie, but everyone I had known along the way was a lie, too.

All of this explained a lot but not soon enough. I should’ve known these things all along. I should’ve been told these things from the start. Times like now made me wish my mother was still here. Tears threatened to escape from my eyes, but I forced them back. I had been strong this far, I could go the extra mile, right?

“It’s okay to be frustrated and angry about it. I know I was, our father was, Zerro was.” Was he trying to justify the lies?

“It’s not okay. It’s not okay I was fed lies from the start and it’s not okay I missed out on nearly twenty years of my life.” My words twisted the knife that had been put in my chest. Saying the words made it true.

“Stop, Bree,” Zerro commanded. He knew I was right there, right on the edge of a cliff ready to jump. I was feral with rage.

“No. You know nothing. You don’t know what it’s like. You don’t know how much it hurts,” I cried out as my hands gripped my hair. It was all a lie. A big huge fucking lie. It felt like everyone I had known was laughing in my face.

“Shhh,” Zerro whispered in my ear as I lifted my head taking notice he had crossed the room to sit next to me. I had no words. Nothing could fix this mess, a mess that had been started far before my time.

“I can’t believe….” I said in disbelief repeating the same sentence over and over again in my mind.

“You can believe it. You will believe it. You will acknowledge it and move on because you’re stronger than this. You have lost so much, but you have gained so much, too.” My tears secretly escaped my eyes as they slid down my cheeks like the truths that slipped from Jared’s mouth.

“I’m not strong enough to do this, Zerro,” I cried into his chest, allowing him to cradle me. I didn’t care I was breaking down in front of Jared. I couldn’t cope with this anymore. I couldn’t handle the pain that shook my body.

“You’re strong enough, Piccolo… You’re stronger than anyone I know…” His voice was so gentle and made me want to beg him for forgiveness even though I knew I didn’t have to. He had killed John because he deserved it.

“I hurt you… The things I said…” I cried harder and tears saturated his shirt. I couldn’t handle the betrayal I was feeling. John may have planned to sell me out, but Zerro had been there. I may never have been a part of his plan, but I was now… He had saved me.

“Shhhhh…. We all say things out of rage and anger. When I told you I was indebted to you, I meant it. Our fates were sealed before we were even thought of…”

“But….” I tried to say…

“No, but, Bree. Neither of us knew what was happening. I hurt you after you saved my life, and even if John wasn’t your father, I know there is a part of you who loves him regardless, and I ripped that part of you to shreds. I let my anger and my need for blood to get in the way of it all. Even if he deserved to die, I shouldn’t have done it that way.” Regret was rooted deeply in his voice. He was never sorry. He was never caring if he ripped people from their loved ones.