“Where I belong? Or where you and my mother think I belong?”
“Let’s talk, Lindsey.” Rob sighs. “We’re on even footing now. I slept with Ava; you’ve dallied with your surfer. I admit it hurts like hell to see you with another man. You’ve got my attention.”
He doesn’t look nearly as ruffled as he proclaims. The strain of the situation weakens my knees, so I pull out a dining chair and sit.
“Contrary to your assumptions, what’s happened with Levi has nothing to do with revenge. In fact, it has nothing to do with you at all.”
“Lindsey, don’t kid yourself.” Rob sits beside me and jerks my chair around to face him. “You wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for my stupidity. Maybe you didn’t intentionally hook up with him to hurt me, but you turned to him because he’s my opposite.”
His sympathetic expression seems phony to me, but he continues. “I hurt you, then you removed yourself from everything, and everyone, that reminded you of me, of us, of our life. Even you must admit you don’t really expect a happily ever after on the beach with a drifter. You sought to investigate the road not taken, and now you have. But eventually you’ve got to consider the future you really want.”
“Rob, I don’t want to hurt you, but you’re mistaken if you think this is all about you.” My eyes search his. “It’s about me. I tried telling you weeks ago, but you mocked me for ‘finding myself.’ ” Do I want affirmation, denial, hate, or love from him? I’m ambivalent.
“You’re right, I did mock you.” Slouching back into the chair, he sighs. “I’ve been unhappy since you left. Every time I felt you pull further away, it upset me. I haven’t handled this well. I should have chased you down as soon as you left, but I believed you’d be back. Not because I deserved it, but because we have an amazing future waiting for us. How can you turn your back on it?”
I wish I shared his confidence about the future, or us. “You don’t believe me, but I’ve changed. I’m not the same girl anymore. I want to forge my own path. Maybe the new me no longer fits with the old us.”
“I’ve never stood in your way before, so why do you think I’d do so now? I don’t care what you want to do, as long as you’re with me when you do it.” He takes my hands in his and stares at me. “You’ll never not fit in my life.”
His grip tightens. “You think you’d have a better life here, with him? Has he made you any promises, or is he just enjoying the moment? I’m here, despite it all, fighting for you. Doesn’t that count for anything?”
I don’t want you to do anything because of me, that’s for sure. Rob’s right—Levi hasn’t told me how he feels about me. But the past intensely passionate thirty-six hours could not be an illusion. It means something, even if Levi left here without any promises. Knowing him, he did it to force me to draw my own conclusions.
“It counts for something, Rob.” I blink back shameful, nervous tears. “But doesn’t it matter to you that I’ve started a relationship with another man?”
Rob’s hands break away from mine to ball into tight fists.
“You know it matters,” he barks. “I hate it. I can’t stomach it, in fact. But I’ll put it behind us if you’ll come back with me, now. I won’t share you. You need to decide where you want to be.”
Despite his loving words and affirmations, I feel bullied. Rob’s played this well, and treated me with respect, yet it feels hollow and showy. Deep in my soul, I’m unable to shake my distrust.
“I’m not sure you really love me.” I avoid looking in his eyes, all the while knowing somewhere inside I don’t really love him anymore, at least not enough to commit my life to him.
“You keep saying things like that, but I’m here begging for another chance. Why would I be here if I didn’t love you?”
“To win.” As soon as I say the words, it makes perfect sense.
“Win?”
“Win me back, away from Levi or LA. You thrive on challenge. Winning me back, after your betrayal and my move, well that’s a seductive victory. But how long until another secret fling comes along?”
“You don’t get to pull the guilt card again, Lindsey. Now I can say the same thing to you. You jumped into someone else’s bed, so don’t play high-and-mighty.”
“I didn’t cheat while we were engaged. We broke up months ago. And unlike you, I didn’t go to bed with someone I don’t care about.”